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Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

0 posted 2001-10-28 03:47 PM

well you guys, here is my latest attempt of the poem, i think i may be on to something halfway decent but i can't seem to get it to flow right... but here it is so far to give you an idea...

i can't seem to escape you
memories reverberate in my brain
i can't seem to escape you
and alleviate the pain

i try continuously to move on
but i can't forget how it was
i try to make myself hate you
but i still love you despite your flaws

i still cry for you when i am alone
because of the times we shared
i still look back to when i lost you
and wish that you still cared

i will love you forever
whatever the future may bring
i will always be there for you
if you need me for anything...

so ys, there it is! *L* let me know what you think!!!

-=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=-

[This message has been edited by Pixie-Babe03 (edited 10-30-2001).]

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

1 posted 2001-10-28 10:53 PM

WOOHOO!! I'm FIRST!! YEAAAAAAAH! *gets up and shakes her boo-tay* Anyhow, Teenie this is AWESOME! I didn't see anything wrong with the flow at all, I thought it sounded nice... and like I always say, though not to your extent, I know how you feel... and someday I will know EXACTLY how you feel because obviously, though it's sad to say, Ryan and I will not last forever, just like everything else. But hey, think of it from a Danielle Steel P.O.V.-- he was meant to pass through your life to bring you something, a gift... he taught you how to love and how to let down your walls and barriers, right? There ya go! Once he taught you that, he didn't need to stay anymore, like Tommy's little sister... ok I am getting way too analytical right now, but you get what I am saying. It was inevitable that it would come to this, and we both know that you will be just as happy, if not happier, someday... (maybe even SOON! LEMON CAKE!!) I love you girl! You know where to find me when you need me, and you know I will be there no matter what...

always,
Beanie

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

2 posted 2001-10-29 06:32 AM

You're so negative Sara, but at least theres some hope in there! lol but things CAN last forever, and time doesn't heal all wounds but a good conversation with a good friend will. I think the only problem is the word behind in the first stanza, it just....I don't know, I'm not the oe to listen to for this thing but it seems gaumy in there, but anyway
"boo-tay" Sara? eek

No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

3 posted 2001-10-29 05:46 PM

Beanie!!! I oove you!

thanks for the reply hun you've been so good to me,always lending an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, and you never complained once through it all, thank you! When you do go through what i am going through i want you to know i will be here for you every step of the way! LEMON CAKE BAY-BEE!

Bryan - great to hear from you

thank you for the input.. i am trying to think of a way to change the last line of the first stanza.... i re-read it and realized that you were right about the "behind"(haha) talk to you later

-=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=-

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

4 posted 2001-10-29 08:13 PM

as for that line, what about "and find relief from the pain"?

,
Me

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

5 posted 2001-10-29 08:31 PM

Bean, what do you think about "and alleviate the pain"? or "and heal from all the pain"

[This message has been edited by Pixie-Babe03 (edited 10-29-2001).]

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

6 posted 2001-10-29 10:14 PM

of those two, I like the first one better

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-10-30 10:41 AM

I completely hear what your saying here...im always stuck in yesterday...memories re-play themselfes over and over in my head..its difficult to deal with and EXTREMELY hard to control...::hugs::

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

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