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Teen Poetry #5
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Once, a rose...
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Once, a rose... |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Sorrow bites, it chills the thorn Where once a single rose was born And pricked the soul, as blood adorned A heart forever lost. The tears speak true, a fated song When once the love of one was wrong And knees were weak, and passion strong Kept candles lit at night. Crimson gold, a petal's woe As tearful eyes did watch it grow And hate was formed, a stinging blow To this world unseen. Once a rose forever grew Within the rain of summer dew And left alone, a wilted view Of life and love... Apart from you. + + + + + Hah, not my best...but you know...I wrote it in one of my more bitter moods. BAH. *mutter mutter* So yeah...*waves* ^__^ ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
Oooh... pretty images... *_* I'm in one of those moods where I can't post any real substantial constructive criticism (which I usually do when I reply...), so instead, be ready for gushing over this poem. ^_^ hehehe Or rather, not really gushing, but refined gushing coz I'm too old for normal standard teenage gushing. ^^; Anyways! The only thing about this poem that made it weird was the strange rhyming scheme which sort of made the poem surge with images, and then have the images suddenly wilt away. In a way, it's as though the rhyme scheme controlled the entire flow of the poem, which gave this poem a manipulative feeling... which totally rocked! *loves that kind of poem* The images in this poem were really lovely. And, though it's against general policy, since I'm in a gushy mood... favorite line listing! This is not in order of preference, but rather in order of how they occur in the poem. ^_^ I'd sort them in order of preference, but you know... with age comes laziness. ^_^v 1. Sorrow bites, it chills the thorn 2. A heart forever lost. 3. The tears speak true, a fated song 4. Kept candles lit at night. 5. Within the rain of summer dew 6. Of life and love... / Apart from you Hmm... that's pretty much most of the poem. ^_^; Anyhows! I thought those lines were really exceptional in setting the pace and the flow of the poem, and really seemed to be the underlying echo for it... with the other lines lending support to those. Of course, those are really sentimental romantic, magical images... which ish unlike you, but you still paint them in a really awesome light. ^_^ *still has much to learn about writing poetry and reading it* ^_^ I'll borrow a few tactics from you one of these days, and prolly paint a masterpiece to surpass every poem that I've previously written. ^_^v Thank you much for the read! Truly enjoyed this one. ^_^ And... I'll prolly enter "evil hideous poem" mode later, but for now, still in a perky mood and LOVED the poem. Laters, lady friend. Take cares! - holatuwol |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I loved the whole thing from the beginning to the end but this stanza particularly stood out for me... Sorrow bites, it chills the thorn Where once a single rose was born And pricked the soul, as blood adorned A heart forever lost. Thank you for sharing this with us all. Fearlessness isn't living without fear, fearlessness is being afraid and still living. jaimespoetry.blogspot.com [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 10-28-2001).] |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
leah, hey wow, this poem was pretty cool. i don't know about you, but i usually write at my best when i'm bitter. great job. -bergundy- |
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xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This flowed so nicely...great job and nicely worded...i enjoyed it! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
This is amazingly wonderful!! I love it, great write!   ,Suga "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
this is amazing, i love it sooo much definately one for my collection *adds it to her library**Pixie* -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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NathanS Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106CA |
Wooooowwwwwwwwaaaawwwwwa! This was absolutely Magnificent! I really liked this a LOT!!!! Magnificent aren't even the correct words for it! eesh that was good! Hmm.. Moods of bitterness or pleasence are the best times to write, because that is when your emotions are at their peak, and thus fruicion into creativity. -Dreys p.s. - library for sure |
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lil_pwheeler Junior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 39here |
Good, not you best but still good.I liked the flow in this one *PAT* No one dies a virgin, life screws us all |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
wow, i really really liked this one leah. *prays MC doesnt enter his evil hideous mood later* :p but neways, this is in mah library cuz i enjoyed it muchly. *claps* way to goooo tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
umm *Scuff* its in mah library this time i promise  |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I just love your work! Just awesome! I'm keeping this one! ~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!? |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
hey...very nice post. great structure and imagery i loved this:Once a rose forever grew Within the rain of summer dew And left alone, a wilted view Of life and love... Apart from you. I can relate to this...thanks for sharing Salma |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
love it Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel. |
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Le Capitan de L'Amour Member
since 2000-07-15
Posts 60 |
Well I think that your poetry is good and maybe we should chat, maybe if you read my new poem you will understand why!.Creative you really are!. |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
I loved this poem it reminds me of the poems I have wrote.Keep up the great work! Lauren |
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Zukene_Chic Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152Cali |
WOW!!!! That was SO cool! |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I didn't want to revive any old poems from too deep within the forum, because there are so many new ones on page one that deserve equal attention... but I just had to give a reply to this poem. It's a shame that it's hard to find your name in here. Maybe you've just been away for a few days but I hope you come back soon. This poem was really well written and it just sounded so professional. This is the first poem into my library!! Theo |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
And this is the reply where I hit the button lol |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
LEAH!!!...your poetry always takes me to beautiful imagery whether it be skies or the albynature? j/k...anyway! think you did an amazing job and hard hitting powerful last verses...enjoyed as always. -ME =) |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
chasing rain, I just started reading in Teen last night so I could get to know everyone before I start moderating here in a few weeks. I'm glad I did cause I would have missed this beauty of a poem. I love all your work Teens. Keep it up. Dawn |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Wow, this was soooo great!!! I'm definitely putting this one into my library. You've created beautiful imagery, and your words all fit together so nicely. I also really enjoyed the form that you used. It reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe's "Raven". I really really like this! ~*Nikki*~ ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You already know how I feel about your poems là où est mon amour? |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
Wow, you're always the one-stop source for some great reading. You've got a nice post running here. Anywho. I loved this for reasons i can't really describe. It just sorta struck me as something that has a deeper meaning, and I'm all for abstract thought(sometimes*bleh*). Oh well, i'll keep it in my library just in case "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
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baby0508 Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 58Moodus, Connecticut |
I really enjoyed this piece. It really expressed your emotions really well. keep up the good work. |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
A very great poem indeed figured i should reply and bump it up top so more people can read it. loved this piece so i'll be reading more of your work I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Although it is a 'bitter' one, I still find this piece beautiful. The symbolism is awesome and the way you have worded it is amazing. You should never stop writing, Leah. You have something. Go and write a book or something.  ~AF~ Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner. |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
I looked down the list and found your poem here with like 26 replies at the time and i was thinking he usually writes pretty dang good so why not look at it and well this was Awsome i loved the poem keep it up. All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This poem is wonderful, Leah. The bitterness in it is what makes this fantastic. This is different from what I'm used to seeing from you. Or maybe I've just been gone too long. (: I love the rhyme scheme. The A-A-A-B pattern worked perfectly for the content. The poem fit nicely together. The first stanza was the perfect beginning. The reader feels the pain almost immediately, and the imagery with the rose made emotion much more deep. A powerful symbol. I think that's what I like the most about this.. the whole poem is very powerful symbolically. The last lines "Of life and love.../Apart from you" hit me hard. I really felt the emotion running through this piece. I beg to differ with your statement that this isn't a good one from you. I think this is one of your best. Very nice work, Leah. You're so very talented. Never underestimate your creativity! *hugs* --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 12-09-2001).] |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
awesome |
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prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
i loved it. i don't know what to say other than that. keep it up. i just joined passions so i'm not real familiar with everyone yet but i really am looking forward to reading your poems. peace leslie |
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