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Teen Poetry #5

Philosopher

fulanodetal3684
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 19

0 posted 2001-10-22 07:43 PM

Ohh, I just don't know what this is, so if somebody could give me their opinion on it, I would appreciate it

Bobby got up from a moment, settled his thoughts,
and went along an idea, towards another of his philosophies, another of his unpopular theories about how to be or not to be, and all the crucial trivialities that somehow cut in line, right in front of sleeping, right behind boredom, and all throughout his deja-vu mysteries

He was determined on getting somewhere with this, with this splinter that unexplicably made him laugh, a laughter not so laughable, a goosebump that always seemed to get the best of him when he reached the climax of certain incognita, a delirious expression, faced by the consuming maze of never finding an answer

And so the story goes that this tragic being found himself back on the place where he had commenced his dilemma, a conflict confronted only by the existance of his realization, or by the realization of his existance, almost redundant, but not quite
unmovable, awaringly static, with no secureness of stability of thruth, with no palpable conclusion, no corroboration of being, the Philosopher decided to shift towards the unthinkable, to slip onto the unconscious being inside all

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

1 posted 2001-10-22 08:47 PM

by the realization of his
existance, almost redundant, but not quite

not quite sure what this is in terms of prose and poetry either, but the content is quite poetic fulanodetal. i think you captured the moment in time the persona was in pretty well. the way in which hes giving into his unconcious being after realising where he was in life. i think over all its a good piece from you- very eflective and thought provoking.
if youre worried about the form of this piece( if youre not then ignore the following

) then i think you would do best in giving it a bit of structure or seperating the lines abit- giving more emphisis where you feel the need and giving it a bit of a poetic flow- not too much work. excellent work though, i have to say that i really enjoyed the read

                            f t e
       wave           a     ...r    the emotions crash in the reef of life
                 w    e

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