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Domzi
Member

since 2001-09-08

Posts 288
New York (BK)

0 posted 2001-10-18 07:53 PM

A love that was
scattered when you
found a tranquil heart

A shallow promise
parts feelings of desire;
a piece of deep passion

The absence of Eros' flame leaves ashes

As my borough has always stated- Do or Die.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2001-10-19 08:49 AM

This was such a strong piece...very enjoyable!!! Nice job

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

2 posted 2001-10-19 09:08 AM

~A love that was
scattered when you
found a tranquil heart

A shallow promise
parts feelings of desire;
a piece of deep passion~

Love it!!!
Charisma

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

3 posted 2001-10-19 09:52 AM

Wow... this was great. So many times I read about "broken hearts" and it all sounds the same, but you put a twist on it that really made it strong.

There are always answers as long as you're open enough to accept the answers you were not looking for.

jaimespoetry.blogspot.com

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

4 posted 2001-10-19 10:20 AM

O0oOoo...i liked this. Very good..short, but some of the best poems ever written aren't 500 pages long

great job, keep it up!

*dq

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Domzi
Member

since 2001-09-08

Posts 288
New York (BK)

5 posted 2001-10-19 04:08 PM

Thanks xShugarHighx and Charisma for the replies.
Dark Enchantress...thanks for loving the "twist"...your right... a lot of broken hearts sound the same.
DancinQueen- thanks for reading it...I try to keep it short, sweet and to the point.

As my borough has always stated- Do or Die.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-10-20 05:58 AM

I do like your last line. it brings the piece together nicely and leaves quite a good aftertaste. I actually just sat and re-read that one line over and over again.
Great piece. I look forward to more.

~AF~

Maybe I'm just a girl...interupted.

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