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Teen Poetry #5
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Once
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Once |
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Ree Ree Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 56providence, RI |
Once there was this girl She loved her family, and everyday she thanked god that she was so lucky. She got straight A's and her father was proud. Her friends were geeky and kind-of annoying. She always wore her hair in a braid. The boys thought she was ugly, but she knew that they weren't worth it. And she always smiled in her pictures, because she always felt like smiling. Once there was this girl She loved her family, but sometimes she forgot to thank god, even though she really was thankful. She still got straight A's and her father loved her for it. Some of her friends were geeky and some weren't. She wore her hair in a bun most of the time. The boys called her names, and it hurt. And she always smiled in her pictures, because she felt she was content enough. Once there was this girl. She loved her family, because that's what she knew was right. She forgot about god a lot, but she knew that he was there, somewhere She got straight A's because it kept her father happy. She didn't have many friends, but the ones she had were priceless. She wore her hair down most of the time. The boys kind-of liked her, and that was good enough for her. And she always smiled in her pictures because that's what people told her to do. Once there was this girl. She talked to her family when she saw them, which wasn't often. She questioned god. She got mostly A's, but some B's. Her father wasn't happy. All her friends were kewl and nice and she loved them with everything in her. She wore her hair all different ways. A few boys liked her, but there was one that she knew she loved. And she always smiled in her pictures, because what else could she do? Once there was this girl. She didn't talk to most of her family. She didn't think it was possible for a god to exist in a world like this. She got six A's and one D. Her father was disappointed. Her friends were what kept her sane, but she never saw them because her father didn't approve. She wore her hair the way it was when she woke up, because what the hells the difference? The boy she loved, loved someone else, but she pretending not to care. And she always smiled in her pictures even though, on the inside, she was crying. |
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| © Copyright 2001 maria - All Rights Reserved | |||
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
i love this one. great job, i love the way you went thru all the different girls and changed each line a little to suit each one. job well done!  Valerie Come on come on and tell me why you're staring come on come on it must be what I'm wearing…tell me why's it takin so long for u to recognize and stop |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
well done!  (I was the one that you didn't put .....I was the one who got mostly d's LOL)  |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Woah I really enjoyed this, it was really cool! What a sad ending   ,Suga "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
I really liked this poem... Sad way to end it, but it's a very fitting ending. I see this happen all too often, people change for other people and it ends up wrecking everything that they stand for. - Cody - |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Same girl...high school...despondency. Powerful words. The transition from one part to another in her life makes it more like a story, and it is a sad story but the sad ending is perfect. If this is you, then I know I can't help becuase I dont know you but if you want to talk my icq number is listed, so's my email. I loved the format of the poem, and it made me want to cry. Thank you for posting it. No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
 Ree Ree, I totally enjoyed this. I loved the way you showed the girl changing in those areas. (Never adding different changes or taking away when the next stanza came.) Great write. Completely wonderful. Keep posting.  |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked how you showed this girl in so many ways. Question though....what's the problem with a D? haha....I got plenty of them....ermm....anyway nicely done here.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
What an interesting poem...i really enjoyed this...wonderful job...!! |
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angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
Wow I really liked this! It makes me think about my high school, and ppl I know...... anyway, good work! I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
Wow...I really liked this one...it was VERY interesting the way you changed things from stanza to stanza...keep 'em coming ~Nikki~ |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
very nice display of this one girl...and this quite hit me...esp the last verse...great job! im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
This is simply outstanding!! The way you have described the deterioration of this one girl from a straight A student to someone that just doesn't care was brilliantly done. Straight to the library. You have written something wonderful here. Be proud of it. ~AF~ Never speak disrespectfully of Society. Only people who can't get into it do that. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I REALLY enjoyed this. The different scenarios you wrote about made the poem very interesting. NICE work. The only thing I would suggest is capitalizing the "G" in God every time you use that. I enjoyed this bunches! Nicely done. Keep sharing all of your work with us. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
oh i really liked this one! i feel like the last girl..oh well...it was really good im putting it in my library story of my life: I am so self destructive, I turn solutions into problems. Everything i touch i ruin. Im midas in reverse |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
That was a really enjoyable poem. I liked it a lot. Thanks for sharing it. Hope to see more in the future. hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Danielle Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 80Providence, RI, USA |
Maria, I think this is one of the best poems that I've ever read. I love it. As I read it I could picture the years at St Pius going by, I could see everything playing out. It's an awesome poem and I just wanted to let you know. Although I see that many people have alreay said that. Well, I dunno what else to say...good job. Love ya Blessed Be Those Who |
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