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LucidityNow
Member

since 2001-02-06

Posts 118
Canada

0 posted 2001-10-10 02:39 AM

Tried of dull ages, I walk the same ground,
collecting the tragedies still
Hollow ambitions in a hollow mind
carried my cross to the hill

Shattered hope became my guide,
grief and pain my friends
a brother pact in blood-ink penned
declared my silent end

and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me...

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

1 posted 2001-10-10 03:10 AM

very errie. it sounds like a death wish to me. i hope you're doing ok lucidity.

The day I stopped loving I died.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2001-10-10 09:48 AM

yes, this sounds pretty final....I hope you are ok.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-10-10 01:48 PM

How very dark. In a short amount of time and space, you have explained some of the most amazing emotions.....or I'm reading into it too much.

You know, if there is ever a problem, you can always email me no matter what. I hope things are ok too. Keep your head up and remember to smile. Smiling is good for you.

~AF~

"I remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you"
Nelly Furtado - On the radio

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

4 posted 2001-10-10 05:36 PM

wow I loved this alot. I found it to be written very well and everything about it rocked!

I'm a professional happy puppet.

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

5 posted 2001-10-10 09:00 PM

Wow.
That kicked ass but I sense it's a bit more serious
Let me know if you need anything
Bel

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2001-10-12 10:25 AM

Wow this was definately dark but i enjoyed it lots!! I love dark poetry..this was right up my ally

Nice job!

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

7 posted 2001-10-12 08:50 PM

I like the dark, foreboding mood you created in this piece. Short, yet with a strong impact. Some good rhyme scheme, though in the first stanza, the first line was a little long. Maybe you could reword it to make it shorter?
I hope this poem does not reflect a wish for death, though you have a great feeling for the unnatural. Keep up the good work! ^^

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

8 posted 2001-10-13 05:08 PM

Whoa! I liked this one, especially the way you are able to make a flow that rolls and carries itself quite well. Your wording is excellent as well.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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