A breeze so cold - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #5

A breeze so cold

NathanS
Member

since 2001-09-27

Posts 106
CA

0 posted 2001-10-03 10:45 PM

Titled: "A breeze so cold"

Have you ever looked
When nothing was there
Have you ever stared into the depths
Of nothingness thats nowhere

An idle mind
With an empty heart
Is there really
All that much to tear apart

In an ocean with no sea
Can no fish live

In a heart without love
Can a relationship not build

So is the wind
With a breeze so cold
With a sound so hollow
With an appearence so blank
That you cannot observe
For your heart has sank

Well, i just kind of wrote this on the sper of the moment, I dunno why sparked it, but here it is... hope someone likes it; if not, no worries.

-Nathan

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

1 posted 2001-10-03 11:06 PM

I like it

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

2 posted 2001-10-04 12:20 PM

I liked it too. Great write. Later

Ex Animo,
Aaron

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2001-10-04 10:44 AM

I really liked this poem, the idea inspired me and your descriptions are good, but I didn't like the change in the style... you started off with two rhyming verses and then two that didn't and the last just couldn't make it's mind up, I mean this is all down to personnal taste but I prefer some uniformity in my poetry. A wonderful poem nonetheless.

"The best things in life aren't for me, the best things in life aren't for free"-Filter

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.