It just hurts - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

0 posted 2001-10-01 10:23 PM

For everything you showed me,
My vision is no clearer.
And for every lie you told me,
There's another in the mirror.
I hate the way you make me cry,
And how I always miss you.
I hate it that you didn't try,
And your deceitful whisper.

You toyed with me
You stole my heart
You just can't see
I'm torn apart

Yes... Jenn is rhyming.

Tell me what you guys think.

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 10-01-2001).]

lilibeelee
Member

since 2001-07-12

Posts 143

1 posted 2001-10-01 10:28 PM

I love the emotions in this peice...Very well done...I can realte : ) keep your head up

NathanS
Member

since 2001-09-27

Posts 106
CA

2 posted 2001-10-01 10:29 PM

Looks very nice, very well written- great emotions too

I give it a 10 out of 10 =)

-Nathan

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

3 posted 2001-10-01 11:35 PM

I liked it loads!
Nice rhyming too

I'm a professional happy puppet.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2001-10-02 05:36 AM

Nice rhyming Jenn.

so very sad though...are you sure you don't want me to hurt him...because I can fly over there right now and do it for you.
Anyway, it's full of emotion and really shows the pain you're going through at the moment. Keep strong and keep smiling.

~AF~

"Reality is only a feeble rendering of the energy brought forth by the imagination"

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

5 posted 2001-10-02 08:08 AM

Thanks for your comments everyone.

"Someone" (alberta) told me I should try and get into the rhyming thing.. so here's my attempt.

Thanks so much for your comments.
And Lizzy, thanks but nahhhhhh....no hurting ppl.

Jenn

"You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-10-02 09:52 AM

You should rhyme when you think it's better. Don't force yourself to do it unless it's truly what you feel you should do. I just hope you heal soon. *hugs*

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

7 posted 2001-10-02 10:45 AM

it was very good, and hes right if ya dont htink it should rhyme then dont force it

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

8 posted 2001-10-02 11:02 AM

Nah, it wasn't forced. I just don't usually rhyme, so I gave it a shot. Thanks for your comments.

Jenn

"You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

9 posted 2001-10-02 02:08 PM

Oooooo Rhyming! I love rhyming poems

lol Im sorry this is happening hun...i really liked the poem tho ::hugs::

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

10 posted 2001-10-02 10:06 PM

I like it. You should do more ryhming. Your really good. Laters.

Ex Animo,
Aaron

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

11 posted 2001-10-05 10:05 AM

Jenn, your rhyming... I know this is a lil late but this is a great poem, congratulations of stuffing all those emotions in there

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

12 posted 2001-10-05 01:19 PM

..OooOOOO Jenn!...its that rym i SEE?!

...hehe...i think you did a wonderful job on it with the emotions you protrayed here

...but quite heartfelt and sad...hope your doing alright.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

13 posted 2001-10-05 10:09 PM

Good post! I feel your pain I used to cry over this one guy and I finally figured out I can find someone better that will treat me the way I wanna be treated. Don't worry I think everyone has at least one of those realtionships. I hope things look up though!! ~*~Jess~*~

~*~How can we be friends if everytime I think of you I know that's all we'll ever be~*~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

14 posted 2001-10-05 10:48 PM

I know this so well. It's great Jenn. You've expressed this perfectly.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

15 posted 2001-10-06 08:53 AM

Thanks to everyone!!

Apparently I should try this rhyming thing again

- thanks again

Jenn

"You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 10-06-2001).]

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

16 posted 2001-10-20 12:39 PM

Rhyming..

Hehehe- Kidding...I'm just jealous cause I can't rhyme...Mine always sound so Kindergarden like...LOL. So now I envy you..Grrr hehe

Yet another spectacular write Jenn! Keep your lil chin up, deary.

Every now and then I like to stick my foot in my mouth...

shadow974
Senior Member

since 2001-06-21

Posts 636
Michigan

17 posted 2001-10-20 07:48 PM

I love your poem, i'm new here but you seem like a great poet!

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

18 posted 2001-10-20 11:27 PM

I think that whomever he is, is a big meanine, and if you want I'll... stick my tongue out at him (can't do anything else, it would be violent)! In other news, I really like this one, the flow you have going was great!

If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

19 posted 2001-10-21 04:34 PM

Awww, thanks guys.

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

20 posted 2001-11-08 12:34 PM

again with another great poem and yes the rhymeing works. keep it up. is this one about well you know? if so i'm sorry

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

21 posted 2001-11-08 12:47 PM

About...? I'm not sure I get ya. What exactly would you be apologizing for? But this is about someone I had some pretty strong feelings for and he hurt me pretty bad. But that's over now. All is improving

Anyway, thanks for the reply and the interest.

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 11-08-2001).]

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

22 posted 2001-11-08 06:35 AM

WOW! this was a really good poem love the bit about the mirror sorry to hear about the situation!!

ALLIE

baby0508
Member

since 2001-05-16

Posts 58
Moodus, Connecticut

23 posted 2001-11-08 07:50 AM

this was a great poem full of emotion..i know how you feel. hang on!!!!

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

24 posted 2001-11-08 12:35 PM

Jenn,

I have to agree the rhyme is really good, but since I haven't read as much of your free form works as others have I'm sure, I can't say it is better than your free form. I know how much you are hurting in this situation. I hope you can rise above it.

Dawn

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

25 posted 2001-11-08 03:17 PM

oh goodness,i think its time for a grls nite!! well us grls need to get together and sit around and eat icecream and watch movies and cry together

Heartbreak seems to be the theme of all of our poems recently! Could be bc guys tend to be arses alot

but newho, i sorta like your free-verse better. but im not rippin on this!! Everything you write it beautiful, just an opinion, but whatever you think

*dq

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

26 posted 2001-11-08 06:15 PM

Great poem I loved it.
Lauren

K. Rebel
Junior Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 40
San Juan, PR

27 posted 2001-11-08 06:39 PM

Taken the situation I am in, I can relate incredibly to this. Its a great poem, the rhyming is a good little touch but its really good.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

28 posted 2001-11-08 07:12 PM

Thank you everyone.

You're all so kind to me. Oh and Kiley....if yer ever in FL look me up

I'll bring the chocolate cookie dough

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 11-08-2001).]

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

29 posted 2001-11-09 07:11 PM

Wow this poem just screams "ouch!" I can almost feel your pain through your words, and it seems like there's alot of it there. Guys SUCK, huh?? Just make sure you use your talent to write a really *happy* poem the next time u meet a good one, k? I hope u feel better soon!

~*Nikki*~

~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

30 posted 2001-11-16 11:36 PM

Happy poem? What is this of which you speak?!

Nah... there is some happiness floating around, I'll tap into it soon .

Thanks for the comments.

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.