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Teen Poetry #5
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CowgirlFreedom17
Member
since 2002-05-20
Posts 82
Mississippi

0 posted 2002-05-20 02:11 AM



Compassion roared through the sky.
The old man let out a scornful sigh.
He drove his old pick-up down the road.
Smoked two cigars in a row.
Fiddled with the radio.
Tried to find which way to go.
Glanced in his rearview mirror twice.
A cup of coffee sounded nice.
Held his breath...let it out.
Thought that he might scream or shout.
Let off the gas.
Hit the cruise.
He knew his heart was forever bruised.
He continued to drive with no sound.
His wife just buried in the ground.

Don't hold back the words you really mean.

© Copyright 2002 Melissa Calvert - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2002-05-20 04:22 AM


I like how you showed that life keeps going, even as it hurts. Nice write.
~tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
2 posted 2002-05-23 10:21 AM


Thats awful and so sad. God i cant even think of death when its death of other people. Interesting piece. Well done

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2002-05-26 02:35 AM


A poem well written, the choice is words thought out nicely, but the flow in the beginning was a bit iffy. After a while as it progressed to the middle up till the end- perfecto....but the beginning flow wasn't hitting it. That's my opinion, though....other than that, splendid poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2002-05-26 08:36 PM



Sometimes the feeling of having no one to go home to can be very striking, just as is this...

Good Write!

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