navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Natalia's burden (tentative title)
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic Natalia's burden (tentative title) Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-09-02 04:19 PM


In the darkness
Of the final death
Of a dying fawn

In the darkness
Of death flowing forth
From my hands killing all I touch

Death from a small touch
Killing the world around me
What have I ended, what have I destroyed

At times I do wonder
Why killing is the only way for me
Why I have to crush all I hold dear

I wonder this and weep
For I know I lost part of myself
When I said this or did that and lost you



a wiseman once said "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!
i girl who thinks shes wise said " ben is a dorko" i agree

[This message has been edited by Godsend_1 (edited 09-02-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Ben Redshaw - All Rights Reserved
never_a_princess
Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82
Show Me the Money
1 posted 2001-09-02 04:35 PM


*HmMmZiEs* I like it, Mr. bennerz. *nods* It's sweet. It's saddish but sweet because of the meaning behind it. "What have I ended, what have I destroyed?" I liked that part. *hugz you* good poem, buddy. Keep writing, silly...You hadn't written in forever! :P
__o0o_Anna_o0o__    *waves*

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
2 posted 2001-09-02 04:42 PM


wow, this is really sad.....it's painful, but wow, you wrote these feelings well, hope all is ok  

"Deputy Moderator ~ Open Forum"

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
3 posted 2001-09-02 05:38 PM


Nice write...I get what you're saying, and man I feel this too- all the time. Hope to see another post from you very soon. I enjoyed this bunches. You expressed yourself greatly.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-09-04 02:22 AM


The title freaked me out seeing as how my GF is named Natalia....weird. Anyway I did like this one a lot. Very well written.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
5 posted 2001-09-04 02:26 AM


ooooooooooh dark. i liked this one lots. you wrote it very well. the title was a bit weird but i think if you delve into the poem it does seem to make sense. thanks for sharing Ben!

............Daffodils
........Daffodils .....
....Daffodils..........
Daffodils .............

punkrockerrobin
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
6 posted 2001-09-04 02:35 AM


ok mr bennerz! why haven't you emailed me hmmmmmmm? ok well i'll forgive you this last time hehe! neways cooloz on the poem!btw i agree with your signature you are a dorko!!!!!hahahaha love ya hun!
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
7 posted 2001-09-05 05:31 PM


wow ben, i liked this alot. *claps* great job on it.
tiff

Elevese con los angeles

marmaladeskies
New Member
since 2003-01-17
Posts 2
Missouri
8 posted 2003-01-17 08:38 PM


she's allowed to call you that?
Echo
Junior Member
since 2003-02-20
Posts 14
the abyss
9 posted 2003-02-21 07:30 PM


very beautiful. I loved the line: why i have to crush all i hold dear
Thxthx!

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Natalia's burden (tentative title)

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary