The Closest Secrets (working title)

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fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-08-29 10:41 PM

The Closest Secrets

Magic Springtime fading
And Winter time too
Has left me in this field
With nothing worth doing to do
Except pay Life to rewind
To former daze
When snow and flowers would
Play in different ways
Amidst my smiling orchard
Behold seed, sap, then fruit
My last for long Fall
Over this two-piece man in an expensive suit
He's just sentimental under my branches
Musing with the leaves...
"Magic Springtime Fading"
Has given him a spark to look
Into this field left to me
He hopes to write a book
Now I'm free to listen
To the sound of leaves
Playing in the breeze
That makes light of thieves
And murderers under trees
Scripting their confession for
The coming Autumn Seas.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

1 posted 2001-08-29 10:50 PM

very nice i enjoyed it

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

2 posted 2001-09-06 06:27 PM

beautiful imagery
Better bump this back up for others to read
they don't know what they're missing
excellent post, keep sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-09-07 12:00 PM

i liked this one a lot sean. as usual you did a good job of the imagery. thanks for sharing!

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anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2001-09-07 11:41 AM

Sean, nice job on the poem. There was just one thing I noticed. Your meter. When reading this I had to change my way of reading it a few times and this gets really annoying after a while. Maybe if you revise it a little you can have a nice steady flow throughout the entire piece instead of all jumpy like it is now.

Other than that, great images. You do have a wonderful imagination and it shows greatly in what you write. Keep on writing for us and I hope to see more soon.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

5 posted 2001-09-08 02:16 AM

Oh, Awesome!
LOVED the last line... Perfect imagery here.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

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