response to poet's challenges

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brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

0 posted 2001-05-26 07:14 AM

I will like to firstly thank all the poets who contributed lines to me in response to my challenge/plea.

The poems are posted in chronological order of when I recieved the lines.
THe first lines to each poem are the ones that were donated.
THank you so much

Karilea,
Moon Dust
Poet deVine
Temptress

for helping kick my muse into gear.
====================================

Without a stage

in spareness he phrased grand soliloquies,
upon hollowed stone words echoed penance.
In the shallow intermission
he recalled his first transgression,
"I am the grand Thespian
these cattle thus listen
to my every depiction
believing all lines of my fiction,
I need not props, cast, or Theatre
for of these things I am the greater."

Rising from this nostalgic fade
cursing his present lesser shade,
to the faults and shadows at hand
a phantom audience, his to command.
The curtain raised an internal veil of insanity,
Giving birth to the Act of Humanity.
In spareness he phrased grand soliloquies
of which only he could make sense.

-----------

On the edge of Summer.

Shadows graced and warmed the midnight sky,
I had been walking out on my own time.
The glitter stars and the promises of a warm bed
upon which plant my dream starved head,
these wonders inspired my lead ridden shoes
and lightened the brunt of my urban blues.

I broke into a rare smile,
like I used to as a child .
Without needing a cause or reason,
except to stand in a moment of passing season,
The lumbered transition of spring to Summer bloom
Its treasures embellished mine to ripe beneath this harvest moon.

-----------

First love

moonlight kissed her cheek
my Luna princess,
dancing wildly in the street light
no care for shame or inebriation
she dragged me giddily further
into the coils of this first love celebration.

-----------

In dreams

The past sometimes arrives in dreams,
wrapped in the dust of sleep,
in envelops nursing faded photographs
of moments of captured light,
even one a master piece in mind,
A rare framing of your smile.

From a deeper state still I murmur
The wild poetry of love lines
and proclaiming letters
all of these promises of other lives.
I devote the hours of my unconscience and waking regret,
Your memory thus remains, until your heart I may reclaim.

"across the unfair divide
where black will never meet white
so read my token lips
as though they never exist"

nicky wire

[This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 05-26-2001).]

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2001-05-26 07:17 AM

Enjoyed your writing Brian...James

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2001-05-26 07:40 AM

Always glad to give someone a kickstart anytime!

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

3 posted 2001-05-26 07:55 AM

Hey Bri...

Wow - these are cool...they really are. I am way too tired to do indepth critiquing though of course you know I want to...

So I'll content myself with a couple of little things...

'I broke into a rare smile,
like I use to as a child . '

Typos on the period and 'used to'

'moonlight kissed her cheek
my Luna princess,
dancing wildly in the street light
no care for shame or inebriation
she dragged me giddily further
into the coils of this first love celebration.'

This is perhaps my favourite...to keep it really tight what do you think about this:

'moonlight kissed her cheek
my Luna princess,
dancing wildly in the street light
no care for shame or inebriation
she dragged me giddily further
into this first love celebration.'

????

I think 'coils of' is an overburdening image...

You know, this is just really good peotry my friend...

K

All obscurity starts with a danger:
Your dangers are many. I
Cannot look much but your form suffers
Some strange injury
Sylvia Plath

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2001-05-26 09:28 AM

What a wonderful way to get your muse flowing Brian! You've done a splendid job with all of these, very nicely written, and such lovely phrasing, well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-05-26 09:54 AM

UMMMM ... Bri-babes...where are the PETALS??

(just kidding)
Theses are SO COOL ...
and excuse me my poetic prophet...
but if ya can crank theses out like this...
your muse is definatly not AWOL with mine

and yes as Kit says youve got some great phrases in these and ya know I love to see ya rhyme

Great idea Bri-gator.

I'm hanging on your every word
Even if you dont want to speak tonite
It's alright
I'm sitting outside heaven's door
listening to you breath

Cerenity
Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 2637
Escondido-California

6 posted 2001-05-26 10:01 AM

Hi Brian,

Yes I think your muse was just under the bed, cause these are awesome, my muse has been gone on vacation for a while now, I'm not seeing the one about Tylenol here!

By the way it's so nice to have you around,

Love, Cerenity

"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)

Siofra

Senior Member

since 2000-09-28

Posts 551
State of Suspended Passion

7 posted 2001-05-27 03:08 AM

An excellent meeting of challenges here.
Enjoyed immensely

I am many.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

8 posted 2001-05-27 04:13 AM

Brian I am too green to critique, so I got on my "gut instincts" and they tell me that these are fantabulous! You sure did rise to that challenge.

~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~
Homepage: [URL=http://www.mysteria-poetry.cityslide.com/contents/contents.cfm/451673]http://www.mysteria-poetry.city

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

9 posted 2001-05-27 06:10 AM

Brian,
if your muse is lost, I'm a dead eyed Heroin junkie. Tthese are as good as your published works. I like them a lot, I do however agree that "into the coils" is probably a bit much.
you done good
Keth

Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

10 posted 2001-05-27 06:46 AM

Ah Brian such great writing! Powerful adjectives! Superb images offering perspective! I especially loved these lines!

                "I broke into a rare smile,
                 like I used to as a child .
                 Without needing a cause or reason,
                 except to stand in a moment of passing season,
                 The lumbered transition of spring to Summer bloom
                 Its treasures embellished mine to ripe beneath this harvest moon. "

There is such an open atmosphere in those reflections.

Have a nice day!

ethome

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

11 posted 2001-05-27 03:36 PM

James, thanks.

Karilea you can kick start my muse anytime

Kalma, thanks firstly for pointing out my little mistake and for the suggestion you are completely correct. Also thanks for your very generous words.

Kit, thanks for your very kind comments. everyone was clever in giving me upbeat images so I had to reveal my sensitive side for a change.

jan, you got me addicted to the rhyming bug..
next time I will add the petals in, thank you my friend for adding sunshine to me day and for doing wonders for my ego.

Cerenity, it is the new me. Tylenol friendly. maybe both of our muses tried to elope together. I am sure your muse will surface soon. Thanks.

Siofra, thank you.

Mysteria, and I am red blushing. thank you

Keth, well we will just have to check ya into rehab, though drug habits do make for good inspiration, though they are not the must recommended way to find your muse. Thanks for your very generous words

ethome, well I am speechless and my ego has just gone into hyper drive. thank you.

"you are what you own in this land, you can be king and it all depends on the view and what you can see" Whipping boy

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