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Open Poetry #14
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Martie
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California

0 posted 2001-07-02 08:54 PM


The Changing of the Card

Nodding my head, I listen
across the counter
to the catch in her voice.

I don’t know what to say,

she says, when I ask,
my hand poised above the order form
waiting to write her sigh.

A middle aged man jingles his keys
and walks nervously around the shop
looking at the ground
before he orders roses for someone,
someone named Carol or Barbara.
He was stopped cold when I ask,
what would you like to say on the card.

Oh, he was so in love that his cheeks pinked
and eyes glowed.

Sometimes a flower
is used as a quick fix
to get out of the doghouse
back onto the couch
with slippers and dinner tray.
It’s true, flowers say a lot
without a person even writing anything,
but, there is nothing like words,
just said out loud,
written,
shouted,
words like, I love you,
or just, love.
Words like, I’m sorry.

What about, you are more beautiful
than this flower?

For quite some time now
I have had the urge to change
just one word in a message.
No, to be truthful,
I’ve had the urge to change the whole message
just to see
if it would change a life,
but, I haven’t.

Not yet anyway.

[This message has been edited by Martie (edited 07-02-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
1 posted 2001-07-02 09:17 PM


Martie~
SweetFlowerGirl ... there's always tomorrow !

This is just insightfully delightful !

Bouquets to ya', baby ! !
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                               noles1@totcon.com             

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...
2 posted 2001-07-02 09:23 PM


I'm enjoying your "storyesque" writing style.  Be careful about "altering a life" by changing that word though...

-MVS

"If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn."

"Everyone can hear;  few can listen."

SmittenKitten
Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet
3 posted 2001-07-02 09:49 PM


Oh those "what ifs" in life could kill ya!  
~Krista

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
4 posted 2001-07-02 10:28 PM


aw, Martie..the things I'm sure you have seen in your little shop....

if your customers knew how you can write, they would ALL have you writing out their cards..."a dozen roses, miss, and please tell her how much I care..." they wouldn't be sorry...

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2001-07-02 10:32 PM


Yes Martie, in part, I echo...if they only knew how you could write...and take what you've seen...you could change courses...

if only....

hearts are speaking, tonight....

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
6 posted 2001-07-02 10:37 PM


Makes you wonder what would happen if you did, doesn't it?  Could it make a real difference in someone's life like by opening the lines of communication once again or would it be a disaster.  One can never be sure.  Great write here!  

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
7 posted 2001-07-03 12:43 PM



Martie-
   hmmmmm...intriguing idea..
   i'm liking this..

   hugs,
   ~vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes



Auguste
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By the sea
8 posted 2001-07-03 01:03 AM


Martie,

I understand what it is you're saying here. As for me, I'd choose to live my life and let others live their own.  This is a good poem and I much enjoyed.  Thank you, my friend.  

Michael Auguste~
There is more depth to the heart than the mind can comprehend and it only has boundaries when we choose to fence it in.  

Martie
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California
9 posted 2001-07-03 01:13 AM


Hi guys...this is just a thought...not something I would ever do.  I thought it would make a great fiction story one day...Thanks for reading and for the great replies!!
CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

10 posted 2001-07-03 01:13 AM


Hi Martie, my catchup reading would not be complete without finding a poem you have shared with us here...

Sweetie, I really enjoyed this read and I thank you...

Hugs2UalwaysPoetFriend
*~coco~*

Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

11 posted 2001-07-03 09:20 AM


nicely told..and a subject I had not thought of until now.......left me thinking..( which is a good thing although some would say a rare thing for me to do)

I enjoyed!!

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
12 posted 2001-07-03 09:28 AM


martie - ya lil devil, you.  Changing messages on cards crosses your mind, does it?  I can see the card you'd change for me.

My message:  I've got your cat!  boowaaaaaaa

Your message:  I love your kitty.


Now, do you see how your well-intentioned editing could completely ruin my reputation?  hmm?

On a more serious note, I do love the way you described your store, and the way you read your customers and take the time to think about what they feel, and how much you care.  This is a very sweet poem that places you ever more deeply in our hearts.

Interloper
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Member Rara Avis
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Deep in the heart
13 posted 2001-07-03 09:38 AM


Isn't it interesting to watch life "happening?"
Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
14 posted 2001-07-03 10:24 AM


I read your poem and the second I finished I thought what a great story that would make (the plot I mean), and sure enough there in the midst of the comments is the idea from your wonderful mind!  Excellent idea, and I hope you don't just think it but do it, as to quote your own words,
"but, there is nothing like words,
just said out loud,
written,
shouted," and a book to remind people to say them!  Well done, I really loved this one.

If I made you smile today then I did my job!
 ~* Mysteria *~

suthern
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Louisiana
15 posted 2001-07-03 03:04 PM


I agree with Bal... If your customers knew the magic of your pen and the greatness of your heart, they'd be begging you to give voice to the flowers they send. *S*

It’s true, flowers say a lot
without a person even writing anything,
but, there is nothing like words,
just said out loud,
written,
shouted,
words like, I love you,
or just, love.
Words like, I’m sorry.

I love the entire poem, Martie... but this section is so wise... and so often unheeded.   Beautiful work, flower lady... and I'll be looking forward to that book you write! *S*

Marge Tindal
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16 posted 2001-07-03 04:23 PM


Martie~
Back in here to tell you that -
As your agent ...
We should market Martie Says cards for the floral shops ...

Martie Says
What your heart is thinking ..



Love n' hugs~
~*Marge*~

Denise
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since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

17 posted 2001-07-03 05:04 PM


What a fabulous idea, Marge! You should do that Martie, print up some cards with your words (some folks just don't know how to express in words what they are really feeling) that they could choose from and attach with the flowers! Beautiful poem!
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
18 posted 2005-02-26 10:23 PM


That is a great idea!
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