where fences meet - pipTalk Forums

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2001-05-23 01:58 AM

I am the child
in the corner
of the place
where fences meet
knuckles white
and eyes too wide
watching
every move you make.

I am the one
was always scorned
ill-fit shoes
and clothes too worn
Inside
alway looking out
written word--
my only shout...

She is me
as I am her.
A reconciliation
burns--
to see the me
that I once was...
to love her,
and then take her cause.

JLR
Senior Member

since 2001-02-04

Posts 1785

1 posted 2001-05-23 02:10 AM

Get back...to who you once were.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

2 posted 2001-05-23 05:31 AM

Amazing writing...

regards O Serene One,
Sudhir

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-05-23 08:27 AM

I am the one
was always scorned
ill-fit shoes
and clothes too worn
Inside
alway looking out
written word--
my only shout...
=====================

please dont ever stop "shouting"
She is me
as I am her.
A reconciliation
burns--
to see the me
that I once was...
to love her,
and then take her cause.
===========================

{yes, love her and then heal in that light}

me

We wish ourselves beautiful,
we cry in the night.
Its not the love you fear ...
its the fall from the height.
~Edwin McCain~

Cerenity
Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 2637
Escondido-California

4 posted 2001-05-23 08:33 AM

Hi Serenity,

amazing reading here, I loved it,

Love, Cerenity

"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

5 posted 2001-05-23 10:03 AM

This is me, this is amazing.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

6 posted 2001-05-23 10:24 AM

K...

your first two verses are by far the strongest..I really like this hon..maybe sharpen up the last verse? revise? don't ask for suggestions I'm still thinking about that whole prove thing LOL..

good work here - as usual..I like watching your different styles

K

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

7 posted 2001-05-23 11:12 AM

Amazing, how we have to fight ourselves for our own cause....

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

8 posted 2001-05-23 12:43 PM

Sometimes the written word is the only voice we have, serenity. Yours is beautiful, btw. It's scarey to look back at who we once were, but's then isn't that the only way we can really grow as individuals? It's good to see you have never let down your "cause". Great poem.

Michael

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

9 posted 2001-05-23 01:17 PM

You know I know this corner...and the feelings of your back against the wall...fight on lil girl...we are so worth the fight

Saunni
Senior Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 1777
West Virginia

10 posted 2001-05-25 01:00 PM

This is amazing! I so could understand what you meant. yes, you are worth the fight!

Sauni

Sauni :)
Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak
I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps

Saunni
Senior Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 1777
West Virginia

11 posted 2001-05-25 01:02 PM

Oh, I meant to tell you...very cool title. I loved it.

Sauni

Sauni :)
Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak
I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

12 posted 2001-05-25 02:39 PM

POwerful writing as always take care of both yourself and that little girl. peace

"across the unfair divide
where black will never meet white
so read my token lips
as though they never exist"

nicky wire

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

13 posted 2001-05-26 09:55 PM

Thanks to all...didn't mean to negect my friends again...just seem to get busy here lately! But funny thing about having children, how they make you remember things sometimes...this is just where my meandering took me. I appreciate you all being so kind!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

14 posted 2004-05-21 01:16 PM

awesome!

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