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Open Poetry #14

Untitled ( first draft)

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2001-06-20 09:45 AM

Still the words
They spin in spirals
Sucked into the void
Like the whirlpool
At the bottom of a drain
Never ending in there
Circling
Through the vacant
Empty spaces
They sing yet
Another sad refrain

So I am lost within
The fusion
Of the crazy dead illusions
Where every thing
Seems so insane

And the words they
Spin in spirals
Sucked into the void
Leaving me to
Feel the pain

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (edited 06-20-2001).]

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

1 posted 2001-06-20 09:46 AM

That moody muse stepped into the shower with you today, did she?

Sneaky little thing.

First draft? Too bad...I like this just as it is....

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2001-06-20 10:03 AM

Capt Hair,
Didn't you buy a ticket to get off? Enjoyed

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

3 posted 2001-06-20 10:51 AM

I enjoyed this...though I was thinking of a vacuum cleaner before the drain was mentioned, then I was thinking of the kitchen sink, then when the shower was mentioned...it all came into greater perspective. So I'm slow! btw, did you see "An Ode" that I wrote? I was thinking it would be one you and Bob would get a kick out of.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

4 posted 2001-06-20 10:58 AM

I think I'd just call it....THE VOID...nice, writing I know what you're writing about!

The role of poetry is to utter the un-utterable; to open up
spaces of consciousness and resistance; to language oppressions; to
re-language historie

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

5 posted 2001-06-20 06:46 PM

Not very pretty, but you could have intitled this "The Black Hole."
============================
The gravitational pull from a black hole is so strong that it can swallow stars, planets and even entire solar systems. Once an object is pulled into a black hole, it can never escape. No one knows for certain what happens to an object once it has been pulled into a black hole.
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