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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2001-06-11 11:14 PM

one small cloud, then another,
one more larger quick behind,
a soothing breeze that whispers trouble...
reprieve in tempest torment's mind.

So I fold a paper boat,
creasing lines of fragile past
and I pray to stay afloat--
paper turns to pulp so fast.

As the water starts to seep
a pleasing sound beneath my feet
Even in the rain I dance
watered paper sounds of tap...
dance girl, faster, faster still,
an encore 'fore you take a spill.
The only motor for my might
is but a spring that's wound too tight.
Left eternal in unwind
spinning circles in my mind.

A paper boat I built for me...
tormented tempest mind asea.

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

1 posted 2001-06-11 11:25 PM

this is really cool yuh the title reminded me of IT by Steven King. Flows well and whimsical to me maybe not to the poet.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

2 posted 2001-06-11 11:30 PM

                         The only motor for my might
                         is but a spring that's wound too tight.
                         Left eternal in unwind
                         spinning circles in my mind.

                         A paper boat I built for me...
                         tormented tempest mind asea.

Wow girl,these lines made my head spin.
Fantastic!

Maree

Saunni
Senior Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 1777
West Virginia

3 posted 2001-06-11 11:40 PM

Oh, this is totally cool! I love this. It is beyond great!

Sauni

Sauni :)
Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak
I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

4 posted 2001-06-12 08:26 AM

So I fold a paper boat,
[creasing lines of fragile past
and I pray to stay afloat--
paper turns to pulp so fast.

As the water starts to seep
a pleasing sound beneath my feet
Even in the rain I dance
watered paper sounds of tap...
dance girl, faster, faster still,
an encore 'fore you take a spill.
The only motor for my might
is but a spring that's wound too tight.
Left eternal in unwind
spinning circles in my mind.
===============================

oh my lil queen of metaphor and mirrors...
this is such a cool poem of imagery and intent...
and that spring in unwind? ... work those metaphors and mirrors me twin...

me

she said I dont know why you ever would lie to me
like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
~MB20~

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

5 posted 2001-06-12 08:38 AM

nicely done... flows well and the images are clear... nice metaphor

enjoyed!

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

6 posted 2001-06-12 01:24 PM

As the water starts to seep
a pleasing sound beneath my feet
Even in the rain I dance
watered paper sounds of tap...
dance girl, faster, faster still,
an encore 'fore you take a spill

There are times even when we get that sinking feeling that we need to let go and embrace the madness of it all. From now you are going sailing in my cart. It is sea worthy and has great buoyancy .

Loved this poem

"Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life". Terry Pratchett

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2001-06-16 02:31 AM

sigh...forgive my rudeness, I've been running around like mad again...thank you for reading...this one I may re-work, however. But hugs to all and thanks again for reading!

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