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Nathaniel Shain
Junior Member

since 2001-06-03

Posts 35

0 posted 2001-06-10 03:55 PM

Discarded Sheets

Crumpled sheets,
discarded with his passion spent,
the lust of flesh,
lovemaking’s scent.

Discarded women,
one by one,
so that their bodies
could be known.

It was never really
lovemaking
at all.

Where is
heart
in all of this?
Where is
knowing
in the kiss?

Just wrinkled sheets,
orgasm’s lust.
He knows the game
and how to make
them trust.

And he’s the biggest
fool of all

and
cruel.

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

1 posted 2001-06-10 04:25 PM

quote:
Crumpled sheets,
discarded with his passion spent,
the lust of flesh,
lovemaking’s scent.
Discarded women,
one by one,
so that their bodies
could be known.

.

....... chills up my spine..... bigtime.... geeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i just picked the first stanza because that's the one that got to me from the beginning but let me tell you, this whole piece speaks volumes........

love is love is love is love is love i've heard it said
but L

ve cannot be there within
stark emptiness in bed

sorry... you inspired me..... i loved your poem... really really really... it's fabulous!!! looking forward to read more of you

JLR
Senior Member

since 2001-02-04

Posts 1785

2 posted 2001-06-10 04:43 PM

Brutal, succinct, focused...enjoyed!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2001-06-10 04:45 PM

VERY focused....and well done! Hit hard, don't you...?

Nathaniel Shain
Junior Member

since 2001-06-03

Posts 35

4 posted 2001-06-10 05:00 PM

Doreen,
Yes, love is what makes lovemaking, just that, and as it should be.  Thank you.

JLR,
Yes, brutal...but something I felt needed to be said.  Thank you for reading.

Sunshine,
Yes, I do hit hard.  The "animal" in man needs to be tamed and kept under control.  Women have value and that should always be remembered.  Their hearts and feelings are much more lovely than their bodies.  Thank you for reading.

Nathaniel

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2001-06-10 07:04 PM

Nathaniel--This poem hurts to read..

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

6 posted 2001-06-10 07:06 PM

Nathaniel this poem is oh so true for many....intense write! Good stuff!

Ron

Administrator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

7 posted 2001-06-10 07:31 PM

Nathaniel, I enjoyed your message and the presentation of it, but also think your follow-up comments are too limiting.

People have value, and I think your theme is far too important to limit to gender. I think your message, as in all good poetry, is Universal.

Great job.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

8 posted 2001-06-10 07:46 PM

yes I agree..a universal message, Nathaniel...well done *s

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Nathaniel Shain
Junior Member

since 2001-06-03

Posts 35

9 posted 2001-06-10 07:53 PM

Martie,
This poem is about users of women's bodies, without any regard to their feelings. Being such, I'm sure it must be difficult for some to read. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone, only being painfully honest. Thanks for reading.

ethome,
Thank you for reading and for the nice remarks.

Ron,
Yes, people, ALL people, have value, as do ALL feelings, no matter what they may be. Thank you for reading, sir.

Nathaniel Shain
Junior Member

since 2001-06-03

Posts 35

10 posted 2001-06-10 07:55 PM

Thank you, Wynter, and a most pleasant evening to you.

Nathaniel

Watersign6
Senior Member

since 2001-05-25

Posts 823
Hurricane,WV

11 posted 2001-06-10 08:31 PM

Nathaniel this is WOW! incredible and very
powerful writing,I will look forward to reading more of yours

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

12 posted 2001-06-10 08:32 PM

Nathaniel, you are using your poetry in one of the most powerful ways poetry can be used..to paint reality as it truly is in such a way it is recognizable to all. Your talent is welcome here and I extend a very warm welcome to you...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

13 posted 2001-06-10 10:22 PM

Where is
heart
in all of this?
Where is
knowing
in the kiss?
=====================

where indeed...
well done poet sir...
imagery and emote with impact.
thank you for the respect intended.
take care
jm

she said I dont know why you ever would lie to me
like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
~MB20~

elizabeth anne
Member

since 2001-03-29

Posts 83

14 posted 2001-06-10 10:55 PM

Very powerful, honest and to the point. Some men will see themselves in this..

Elizabeth Anne

Nathaniel Shain
Junior Member

since 2001-06-03

Posts 35

15 posted 2001-06-11 01:15 AM

Watersign6,
You're really very sweet and your comments are most appreciated.

Balladeer,
Thank you for the warm welcome and I'm glad you got something from this piece.  Sometimes one must be very direct in his/her writing to get the point across.

Janet Marie,
No thanks is ever necessary for the respect.  You and all women will always have it from me.  I thank you for reading and for the good words.

Elizabeth Anne,
Perhaps it's good that some men will see themselves in this.  Maybe, just maybe, they'll get something from this.  Thank you.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

16 posted 2001-06-13 12:33 PM

Nathaniel Shain~

personally I think you have expressed your feeling very nicely, very powerful words...Excellent writing...

Greeneyes~

***

Nothing Beautiful In This World
Is Ever Really Lost
All Things Beloved
Live on In Our Hearts...Forever."

Nathaniel Shain
Junior Member

since 2001-06-03

Posts 35

17 posted 2001-06-13 07:07 PM

Greeneyes,

Thank you for such nice words. You, like all women, have my deepest respect. Take care.

Nathaniel

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

18 posted 2001-06-15 12:49 PM

A very chilling piece of writing has been penned here Nathaniel...........Sue

Suetang

elizabeth anne
Member

since 2001-03-29

Posts 83

19 posted 2001-06-15 01:20 AM

Just had to come back and revisit this strong piece in defense of women. Bravo Sir!

Elizabeth Anne

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

20 posted 2001-06-15 02:05 AM

This is a wonderful poem...and its not just men...its anyone who doesnt place a value on love...not just sex

PoeticaL
Member

since 2001-03-31

Posts 50

21 posted 2001-06-15 02:26 AM

WOW!

I'm glad I couldn't sleep tonight.

This was..so brutal in it's honesty.

"I'm a junkyard full of false starts....Elliot Smith"

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

22 posted 2001-06-15 05:32 AM

nice poem, very thought-provoking, but I can relate to that man, not being able to find the love, and just going through the motions I think. I've grown that way...not really much hope of having anything more than crumpled sheets.

Nathaniel Shain
Junior Member

since 2001-06-03

Posts 35

23 posted 2001-06-15 06:06 PM

Sue,
Thanks for reading.

Elizabeth Anne,
I appreciate your visit much and thanks again.

Paula,
I completely agree and thank you.

Poetical,
Yes, I know, but sometimes honesty can be an unpleasant thing, unfortunately.  Thanks

passing shadows,
Reading your post on this poem made me very sad.  It is my hope that you will come to believe that love for you is out there and only waiting to be found.  Take care and God bless you.

All,
thanks very much for reading this rather unpleasant piece.  I wish you well.

Nathaniel

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