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Open Poetry #14
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My Trusted Sheild ( Shakespearian Sonnet )
| Open Poetry #14 |
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My Trusted Sheild ( Shakespearian Sonnet ) |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
A sheild of trust I weild before , in awe of what I fear's become a mockery . Ideals I will not yeild , my sword I draw and rage against my own hypocrisy . Deflecting and rejecting blows of guilt the war is raged as I stand silent by . My cross to bear , this sword held by the hilt in time may answer just one question , why ? If I am half the man I think I am what need have I for armor's polished curves ? Should I cease to perpetuate this sham would not my conscience be far better served ? But oh , the spoils of war wouldn't be so sweet without this sheild of words measured in feet ! |
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| © Copyright 2001 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
There's nothing as lovely as a sonnet, I always say! Fantastic, Dr. Moose! I made a few minor changes for your consideration that I felt helped the meter. Wonderful sonnet! More, more, more, I say!! A sheild of trust I wield before , in awe of what I fear's become a mockery . Ideals I will not yeild , my sword I draw and rage against my own hypocrisy . Deflecting and rejecting blows of guilt the war is raged as I stand silent by . My cross to bear , this sword held by the hilt in time may answer just one question , why ? If I am half the man I think I am what need have I for armor's polished curves ? In ceasing to perpetuate this sham would not my conscience be far better served ? But would the spoils of war be near as sweet without this sheild of words in measured feet ? |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Dr.Moose1 Enjoyed this read. Exceptionally done. Poeminister |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
You make a valid point my dear Denise mere words cannot express my gratitude . Most kind of you to share your expertise the meter flows more true but what of mood ? As true to nature as my prankish past I spoke of battle raging from within , but from the git go right down to the last no out-come was in doubt , I knew who'd win Perhaps Ol' Blue Eyes said it best , for when it comes down to my poetry , no matter how I try I fail the test 'cause in the end I just gotta be me ! Seriously though , I am flattered you took the time to help with the meter . One of my idiosyncrasies ( there's too many to list ) is that when I read iambic pentameter , it comes out more like , da Da / da da da DA / da da da DA . Even though I'm pretty sure this is illegal , immoral or both , and would get me kicked out of sonnet school in a heart-beat , both the original , and the above reply were written this way . Don't tell me ( I already know )I should seek help . Thanks again , Doc |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
da da da DA da da da DA da da da DAAAAAA  Any way you want to sing it sounds good to my ears, Dr.Moose! |
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Watersign6 Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823Hurricane,WV |
very enjoyable read Moose1  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is great! Thanks for stating the form, and since I'm studying you, lol, into my library, maybe I'll attempt a sonnet soon! Thanks, Doc! |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
If this is illegal and immoral, we need a little more.... rules are great.... but style and flair must count a little, too...catch it, "count"...LOL at me.... |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Brilliantly done, I enjoyed this very much, I'm just getting into sonnets and this is indeed something to strive for. Thank you. Regards, Olias. |
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