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Open Poetry #13
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Geese ( Canadian kind, cinquain )
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Geese ( Canadian kind, cinquain ) |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Geese sleek, consistent noisily, predictably, fervently They move in a vee to their summer home. Wanderers © March 31, 2001 [This message has been edited by VAS (edited 03-31-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Virginia Salter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'm enjoying all this cinqain stuff!! Like this image a lot. |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
VAS, This paints a pretty scene but I believe it is not a cinquain. First - it has more than 5 lines(unless that is a result of your large font) 2nd - your syllable count is incorrect - when using the formal cinquain form the syls should be 2,4,6,8,2 respectively - if I counted right you have 10 syls in 2 lines and wanderers is 3 syls. I have included more info below that might help a bit. More info was given, I think, in my reply to my post topic 2 Cinquains abt the computer Defrag and After Scandisk. "Cinquains - (SING-cane)" From The Teaching & Writers Handbook of Poetic Forms Edited by Ron Padgett "A cinquain(from French meaning “ a grouping of five”) is either a 5-line stanza or a poem of 5 lines. It can also be called a “quintet.” The word cinquain was claimed early in the 20th century by Adelaide Crapsey, a young American poet. She used it as the name of a syllabic verse form she invented. The cinquain has 5 lines with 2-4-6-8 & 2 syllables respectively. Rhythmically, a cinquain sometimes moves in iambs(see foot), but is not required to. Often the 1st & last line has 2 strongly accented syllables. Usually cinquains do not have obvious rhymes; when they do, the effect can be humorous. Crapsey used her cinquains to capture brief statements & images during the last few years of her life. (she died at 36). She also knew the rythmic possibilities of English too well to stick rigidly to her own pattern & varied it now & then as the 2nd example below shows. The 1st example is her best known poem. Beginning lines are capped." Triad These be Three silent things: The falling snow.. the hour Before dawn.. the mouth of one Just dead. Laurel in the Berkshires Sea-foam And coral! Oh, I’ll Climb the great pasture rocks And dream me mermaid in the sun’s Gold flood. "There are several things to remember about writing cinquains. First, in any short poem, it is tempting to add extra words to fill out the form, or make it a syrupy saying, some large generality about “life.” Most effective cinquains stick to nouns naming objects. Even Crapsey occasionally fell into the trap of piling up adjectives: “Autumnal, evanescent, wan, / The moon.” If she hadn’t been writing in this form she might have said “ a thin November moon.” Avoid goo. Second, if each line sounds “finished” (for example, if each line is a complete phrase), the poem bumps from line-end to line-end and sounds boring, for all its brevity. Finally, the cinquain should build toward a climax. Notice the sense of suspense at the ends of the next-to-last lines if the examples, and the surprise in the last lines." Cinquains- per The Book of Forms by Lewis Turco - "An American form. Syllabic or accentual-syllabic. 5 lines long, consists of 2, 4, 6, 8, & 2 syllables respectively. It is unrhymed, a set form of the quintet. Originally the poem was written in iambs: 1 iambic foot in the 1st line, 2 in the 2nd line, 3 in the 3rd line, 4 in the 4th line and 1 in the 5th line. Lines: Syls: 1 x x 2 x x x x 3 x x x x x x 4 x x x x x x x x 5 x x" The Informal cinquain follows the rule above except it is based in words not syllables: Line 1 is one word; line 2 is 2 words; line 3 is 3 words; line 4 is 4 words and line 5 is one word. Hope this information helps some. But, I do like the description in this piece. I can truly see the geese and their v formation. Panne |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Vas...with a slight edit job on line 4 you could have an "informal cinquain" here as described at the bottom of Panne's narrative. Great imagery! Mike |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Perhaps what I was taught by a college instructor was an erroneous informal cinquain. Too bad, too, if so, as I've taught several students the pattern. Everything was the same as you have included as rules, save for line 4 was a short sentence about the subject. noun (subject=one word) adjectives (two) adverbs or present progressive verbs (three -ly or -ing words) sentence synonym I shall copy and store your two definitions, formal and informal, and try those, too. Thanks Panne and Packratmike. Perhaps, as the instructor was teaching us how to teach young students, elementary specifically, how to write, she bent the rules a bit. Or perhaps she said a 4 word sentence for line 4, however, I didn't take it away with me that way. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
P.S. On my screen, line 4 is all on one line after I edited it the same day I posted it. Therefore, from here I see only 5 lines. Should I shrink it more? |
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