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walker
Member Elite

since 2001-02-11

Posts 2240
Florida

0 posted 2001-03-31 09:35 AM

A rose,
on her bed.
A token,
of his best.
Its petals,
delicate like her.
Its thorns,
his secrets they bore.
Her fragance,
invaded the room.
Its solitude,
too.
In the middle of her world,
lied the rose.
Beautiful,
but withering away,
as it tore.

A quarter of a century must pass, for the writer to understand what and why he writes.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

1 posted 2001-03-31 09:43 AM

Proves part of my new thought that all things beautiful eventually wither...A sad thought...a beautiful poem.

Panne447
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 196
S.A. TX

2 posted 2001-04-10 05:29 PM

Walker, this sounds so beautiful but something is missing - my first thought was
did you mean 'the rose lay in the middle of her world or that the rose lied as in expressed a lie(an untruth) and my 2nd thought was what tore? the rose? if so there must be a better way to say that the rode tore- I think of roses maybe falling apart, yellowing, but not tore...if you know what I am trying to say- as I am not sure how to express it: or did you mean something else tore and if so what? Did I miss something as I don;t see it stated anywhere.
Do you see what I mean. This piece feels incomplete and, to me, reads incomplete. Maybe you could tell me what I missed. I have read it over 3 times now and I just can't get it...but this could very well be me.
In the middle of her world,
lied the rose.
Beautiful,
but withering away,
as it tore.

The first part is beautiful and I as a reader want more but soemhow or somewher I lost it. Hope I was of some help or that you can be of help to me and my understanding. Panne

painted lady
Junior Member

since 2001-04-01

Posts 48
on the wing or nectaring

3 posted 2001-04-10 06:04 PM

The puzzle for me begins with "her fragrance..." and continues 'till the end. ???

pl

And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils. Wm Wordsworth (I Wondered Lonely as a Cloud)

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

4 posted 2001-04-10 06:09 PM

I understand and I like it!

Write on.

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.

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