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Careless Whispers
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Careless Whispers |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores 
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Careless Whispers ~*Marge Tindal*~ Careless whispers born of satin-sheet caresses lay across the unmade bed of my desire Embroidered edges of the night delicately decorate my folded memories Ruffles of a sigh breeze in through chantilly curtains billowing the lace with reminisced whispers Barely audible goodbye lays upon shoulders bare Offering little comfort in the baptismal flow of regret In the surge of new longing Downy pillows are stained in satin-remembered belonging ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Marge Tindal - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Okay fess up - did you write this on my picture? He he - this is exactly what I would have said if I knew how to say it! LOL - Beautiful Madam Poetess, just blooming beautiful. Favorite line is - tah dah.... Ruffles of a sigh breeze in through chantilly curtains |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Lovely word painting here, dear! Well done!! |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
Marge, Very descriptive, a nice read. Was wondering if you might consider replacing the 2nd use of 'whispers' in this line: billowing the lace with reminisced whispers Try breaths, undertones, murmers, hints or something similar (that's off the top of my head) to avoid the repetition of whisper which is in the title & 1st verse already. Just some food for thought. See if it gives more impact to not only the line and verse but also to the piece as a whole. Panne |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mysteria~ Well, it has distinct possibilities.  I'm really pleased to know that you like it so. VAS~ Thank you for letting me know you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it also. Panne~ Not even remotely tempted ... The entire piece is intended to whisper. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Pssst! You whisper so softly Lady Poetess, it is so soft and beautiful. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Oh Marge...tugging again.... |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Marge~ you've done it again......  SEA |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Ah, Marge... I thought I had my longings safely tucked away for the day... but I just heard a moan I'm quite sure was mine. *S* This is beautiful! *SS* |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mysteria~  Karilea~ I think they made heart-strings ... just for tugging ... Glad to know I'm still employed !  SEA~ Just came in on a whisper ... ... Oh, SweetSuthernLady~ They are tucked away ... to be remembered. May the whispers of the night ... hold you in gentle remember.  *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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