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| Open Poetry #13 |
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One Call |
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JamesBowie Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 252big old Bangor Maine up by the shack |
The stiches are not holding as with gloved hands I cradle the boys head Two children playing in their room early morning, both still in their PJ's Frantically the boy struggles forcing more blood than the gauze can hold Happily jumping on their bed all they heard was children laughing Just a skinny little four year old but it takes four grown men to hold him He falls, head oddly striking the bedframe parents run, hearing the other brother's cries His eyes close, ceasing to struggle I see he is no longer bleeding "Please save him, Please" I'm still sorry |
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| © Copyright 2001 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesBowie Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 252big old Bangor Maine up by the shack |
This is an actual event for me- not a contrived ER scene- maybe that would make it more interesting? |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
what can any one say to this? The pain and anguish radiates from every word....not only is it true......It feels true, and that makes it that much more painful to read......I don't feel so bad for being overprotective of my kids now.....thank you for this James B. Hugs to you...  SEA |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
James, this must surely have been difficult to write. The fact that you've woven the scene of the boys playing just minutes earlier makes this even more moving, to my way of thinking, as it illustrates the immediacy, the shortness, the ever constant unpredictability of life (and death). A VERY strong poem. My only suggestion would be to italicize the lines in which you are referring to the scene before you arrived. Doing that would, in my opinion, give it more impact and separate the immediate past from the present. Thanks for this difficult, important poem. Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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RMW Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424 |
James....something of Frost's "Out, Out" (I think that was the one) in this. Very sad. Very well written. Bob |
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Mabel A. Dilley Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 859Seattle, WA, USA |
I begin many speeches with: "30 seconds will change your life." This you demonstrated so very well in this poem. You do brave work. "I am not now that which I have been." |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
These things can't happen but of course they do, to even the most loving and careful of parents. I admire the way you interwove the preceding happenings with the present. i think it made it a stronger poem. I find that confusing in a novel. In the poem it was wonderful. Joyce |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
James, this brings back real memories of my own - when my daughter was injured by her own cousin while playing in her room - I ran to her within seconds, and found projectile blood spurting from her forehead and a pool of red beneath her that was already about a foot in diameter... We were fortunate - she was all right after a visit to the hospital... I pray your experience had a happy ending... Well written, my friend.. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
OUCH!! oh my! painful memory, james.... you did a good job with this.... geez it's good to see you again, my friend! |
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