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Open Poetry #13

Haiku....farm land

Joe Houck
Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 324
california

0 posted 2001-04-30 08:50 PM

Farm land, life giver
When the cold rears ugly head
It will get frost bit.

Joe Houck
04/30/01

insect
Senior Member

since 2000-04-22

Posts 1014

1 posted 2001-04-30 11:34 PM

Nice piece!

Welcome
To
Passions

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

2 posted 2001-04-30 11:41 PM

Hi sweetie....what a great haiku...

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2001-05-01 12:34 PM

JoeHouck~
Very nicely done.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

4 posted 2001-05-01 12:37 PM

Welcome to Passions....this is lovely...be well...

Greeneyes~

***

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."
-Unknown

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2001-05-01 01:24 AM

Joe,
welcome to Pipps, and I sure enjoyed your entrance. I will be flying

by often to read your work, and have fun here that is the main thing!

Please visit me at my new homepage:
http://www.mysteria-poetry.cityslide.com/contents/contents/cfm/451673

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

6 posted 2001-05-01 01:27 AM

Quite a powerful image here with a touch of humor, I enjoyed the read and WELCOME!!!

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

7 posted 2001-05-01 01:32 AM

Well well well...welcome again heh...

feedback good or bad you say...

ok then..to me this feels slightly stilted..forced into the syllable count...

it's the middle line that does it:

When the cold rears ugly head

the its that is missing between rears and ugly is noticeable...

hmmm

how about:

Farm land, life giver
The cold rears its ugly head
And earth is frost bit.

or some such thing to introduce the flow a bit more?

K

All obscurity starts with a danger:
Your dangers are many. I
Cannot look much but your form suffers
Some strange injury
Sylvia Plath

[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 05-01-2001).]

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