thinking little senryus - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2001-04-29 09:32 PM

phenomena are
miracles wrapped up in light
deem then to believe

angels shine in light
believe in phenomena
miracles happen

do believe in them
miracles, phenomena
shine on, then, shine on

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-29 09:41 PM

Very nice job, Sunshine!  I do enjoy senryus, and it's a treat to see three in succession following a set theme.  I especially liked the last line.
One critique is that the first line sort of led into the second line.  Personally I think senryus seem better when each line completes a thought, instead of leading into the other.  I'd have preferred if that was not done in that manner.
However that is just a preference.

Overall, excellent job.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2001-04-29 09:41 PM

Karilea...how I wish I could think in little just little thoughts, much less this poetically...you've a gift yanno...

Amuse_mi
Member

since 2001-04-22

Posts 110

3 posted 2001-04-29 10:40 PM

There is so much hope in these. Nicely done.

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

4 posted 2001-04-29 11:01 PM

Sunshine, I believe your name alone sums up the feeling in your writing! *smiles* beautifully upbeat, as one would expect from the caller of day!

~Tier

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

5 posted 2001-04-29 11:03 PM

Shine on me, Shine on me. This was one of our songs in church today and your lines reminded me of it. Very pretty. Joyce

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

6 posted 2001-04-29 11:12 PM

Pretty darn profound little thoughts! I wish I could think only one at one time, what a blessing that would be for me LOL. A lovely trio of thoughts that strangely enough made me think of the movie, Michael!

Please visit me at my new homepage:
http://www.mysteria-poetry.cityslide.com/contents/contents/cfm/451673

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2001-04-30 12:17 PM

Karilea~
Just the loveliest of thoughts went into these Senryu's.
A neat grouping of your thoughts.
Enjoyed very much.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

8 posted 2001-04-30 07:11 AM

How phenomenal
As quests for miracles cease
Happenstance befalls

Ethan Halo
Senior Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 793
on the roof again

9 posted 2001-04-30 09:50 AM

a wonderful definition... a good read to wake up to today

thank you!

"phenomena are
miracles wrapped up in light"

"Many great relationships start or end in a bar.
Some of the best do both in the course of an evening."

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite

since 2000-08-04

Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware

10 posted 2001-04-30 11:08 AM

you are a phenomenal Senryu writer -but by now you know that - don't you ~G~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

11 posted 2001-04-30 12:14 PM

beautiful and happy

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.