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Open Poetry #13
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2001-04-22 08:09 AM


Rewrite:

How children Sleep

Each child sleeps a cradles reap.
From sun to moon from wake to sleep.
The sun comes up the moon goes down.
Each child dresses a daily gown.

The sun pans new with sheaves of light
And phantom shadows leave with night
The children won a kingdoms pour.
Until the sun has done its awe.

The world is full of striking slings.
Of living dreams and touching things.
And children play within this dell
The sun and moon just ring the bell.

All children see the last of light.
All shadows fall to endless night.
The sun has fled. The moon is dead.
Each child will sleep a final bed.

And though this story lacks vainglory
It is to me a hoary story.

© Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2001-04-22 08:16 AM


To thee it may be but a hoary story
but in it I find a semblance of glory

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
2 posted 2001-04-22 09:03 AM


This time I like your opener best, Sy...

"Each child sleeps a cradles reap.
From sun to moon from wake to sleep."

((HUGS)) - Just cuz you missed it...

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2001-04-22 09:53 AM


Sunshine,
Thank you sweet. *L*

Nan,
Since I remember the real one this one was almost as good and I send both hugs and love back. PS. The frist two lines were the best.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2001-04-22 11:10 AM


Sy:

I loved the sound of this...even read it outloud to my cat...who wasn't that impressed...but she knows nothing except herself.  My favorite stanza:

"The world is full of striking slings.
Of living dreams and touching things.
And children play within this dell
The sun and moon just ring the bell"

Thanks for your youness!

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
5 posted 2001-04-22 11:34 AM


Superb!  The flow is delightful...it has a nonsensical feel, yet its depth is much profound.  I really like this, it should be in print in many homes with fantastic illustrations.  I truly enjoyed the read, in fact I'm going back to read again!
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2001-04-22 11:59 AM


The sun comes up the moon goes down.
Each child dresses a daily gown.

The sun pans new with sheaves of light
And phantom shadows leave with night
The children won a kingdoms pour.
Until the sun has done its awe.

The world is full of striking slings.
Of living dreams and touching things.
And children play within this dell
The sun and moon just ring the bell.


All children see the last of light.
All shadows fall to endless night.
The sun has fled. The moon is dead.
Each child will sleep a final bed..


=======================

do you know how cool this poem is...
oh man I love the way your mind works
you just cleverly penned the cycles of a day
and of a life ...
and wrapped it up in a nursery rhyme and lullaby ..
and then you modestly say it has no glory..
and Hoary??? ... just another word for  aquired WISDOM.
like I said....you put the C in COOL.
this is yet another Sy-treasure for my collection.
*ww* me





I love your imperfections ... I love your everything ...
Your broken heart ... your broken wings.


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
7 posted 2001-04-22 12:02 PM


Martie,
Thank you for being you, you are one of my favorites. *L*

Vas,
Wonderful descriptive comment. Thank you.

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
8 posted 2001-04-22 12:09 PM


The sun and moon just ring the bell?  The cycle of our lives? I'll have to think about this one.  Joyce
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
9 posted 2001-04-22 12:11 PM


JM,
We must have crossed. You know if I ever publish I would want you to write the prologue. You just brandy my Randy.
Winkiewinkie Stinky

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
10 posted 2001-04-22 12:15 PM


Joyce,
Just a symbolic lullaby. Not a pry but a sigh
Thank you for the read and interesting comment.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
11 posted 2001-04-22 12:30 PM


Seymour~
You are a wonderful storyteller.

This is so lovely -

'Each child sleeps a cradles reap.
From sun to moon from wake to sleep.
The sun comes up the moon goes down.
Each child dresses a daily gown.'


Love n' hugs~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
12 posted 2001-04-22 04:59 PM


Marge,
Thanks for the lovely, love n' hugs.

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
13 posted 2001-04-25 03:08 PM


I enjoyed this one very much, Seymour... a whimsical delight. *S*
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
14 posted 2001-04-25 03:57 PM


Suthern,
Thank you again. *L*

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

15 posted 2001-05-02 09:37 AM


I MISS RANDY
I MISS STINKY
I MISS SY
I MISS MY WINKIE WINKIE

HES ONLY BEEN GONE HIS TRIP THREE DAYS ..
AND OH NO ... WE GOT WEEKS TO GO!!
I MISS MY RHYME DIVINE
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW
*winkiewinkie*
me  

Watersign6
Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823
Hurricane,WV
16 posted 2001-06-05 08:56 AM


i cant begin to tell you how much i love this one its truely a treasure  
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