(a warning) The title is shocking(but it is important to the poem)

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Dark Poetry #3

(a warning) The title is shocking(but it is important to the poem)

Jeen
Member

since 2000-06-07

Posts 91

0 posted 2001-07-14 09:01 AM

(this is not my normal style or tone of poetry, but I felt it was the only way to convey the shockiness of life with him. After reading some poems in this forum I thought it would be most understood here. I hope this does not offend anyone)

my father said the best part of me dripped down his leg

I could revive
the repulsive

shower in the dirt
that diluted
being young

I could eat rage
in spoonfuls
at breakfast
with cornflakes

dress my wrists
with red columns
of despondency

confirm his
ugliness living
as though it were true

but it was a lie
and now that he's gone
my real Father has told him so

Jeen

[This message has been edited by Jeen (edited 07-16-2001).]

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2001-07-14 04:27 PM

Thank God you are past these lies and can find someone that appreciates you...James

xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

2 posted 2001-07-15 06:13 AM

i am not much for construction, but nice.

The Exile
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2001-07-15 11:22 PM

Jeen,

A brave and nice experiementation there! I could sense so much rage exploding in the three short stanzas(in the middle), especially that "dress my wrists with red columns of despondency", there seemed to be some conflicts between the words you used and the feelings which, in itself expressed the twisted frustration. A bit shocking but you certainly got the feelings accross really well. I liked it.

Take care,

-Alex

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

4 posted 2001-07-16 06:05 PM

Jeen, I remember reading your first draft of this in Crit. and I have to say the poem has developed alot since then, more hard hitting, powerful images. The opening line blows me away every time. I hope and pray that this poem is not based on personal experience. If so then I am truly sorry.

"Here I am in prison,here I am with a ball and chain There is whiskey in the jar-o" Traditional irish song.

Jeen
Member

since 2000-06-07

Posts 91

5 posted 2001-07-16 11:18 PM

I wanted to thank every one who took the time to respond to this poem, and all those who wished me well.

It has been a long time since I have felt the need to write this kind of a poem (more than a decade), but once in a while, some shard from the past demands to be heard.

Thank you for getting through the discomfort
of the subject matter.

Jeen

[This message has been edited by Jeen (edited 07-16-2001).]

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