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Dark Poetry #3
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savior clone
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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savior clone |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"savior clone" she longs to leave holds no faith in me faith once forsaken for me in gowns of floss so long ago only the wind remembers and whispers of the loss choosing our begotten no faults forsaken forgiveness is forgotten giving is not taken leaving love faded fervor forever fault forfeit faith vacuum vault killing vestigial vows marriage moments valued vignettes killing me with silence herself with cigarettes tangled in the talons of my rotting roots she thrashes thirsting for freedom from the foundation she smashes I am her savior clone for I cannot leave here alive yet I cannot leave her alone "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." coyote [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 05-06-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 coyote - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
The pain and confusion, hurt and betrayl in this Coyote! Not nice for my first read of the morning. When the heart and the head see different realities it is so confusing... *hugs* Isis *War produces one thing - Cemetaries. And in cemetaries there are no enemies!* |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Isis. Sorry to burst the bubble before coffee. lol Billy  "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
"forsaken for me in gowns of floss" *shakes head* where do you get your ideas? You have a very poetical mind i must say,this is another excellent peice,you really saved the hardest hitting lines for last,the last couple of phrases really pack the punch,well done!! sammi¤ much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Sammi. A strange one this piece. Feelings like an open wound. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Wow! outstanding work, loved the word-weaving in this one! ~Tier |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks so much, Tiers. Your comments are appreciated. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
A message of hurt wrapped with the need of confusion.. Interesting! I like it! ~*Freedom Is Not Free*~ (Korean War Memorial) |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Voiceless. I'm glad you liked it. I like your quote. Truly freedom is not free. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
great write here. great imagery. and swell use of vocabulary. i liked it much. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
I echo Tiersden Excellent work m'friend. Maree |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, DreamChild for reading, your thoughts are appreciated. Thanks Maree, for reading. I am tweaking this one a little too. Billy "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey you - some wonderful lines in here... 'killing vestigial vows marriage moments valued vignettes killing me with silence herself with cigarettes' I love that... (I locked your other thread for you btw...if you change you mind and want to repost your poem let me know and I'll unlock it for you) Great poem Bill  K |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks Kamla. I made a few changes to this one, but those lines are still intact. As for "The poem in question", Ernest doesn't want to be here in the dark anyway. I put him under the bright lights of the "autopsy forum", and I think the doctors there kinda liked it. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
ahhhhh...I think i see what you mean...lol... K |
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Ginners Member
since 2000-07-22
Posts 339Mullica Hill, New Jersey |
this was amazin! it was so good  "I'll build a wall if we can keep them on the other side"-NIN |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Gin. Just playin' some old Moody Blues, thinkin' about how out of "Balance" I am, and askin' the same "Question" over and over again. "It's not the way that you say it when you do those things to me. It's more the way that you mean it when you tell me what will be. And when you stop and think about it you won't believe it's true all the love you've been giving has all been meant for you. I'm looking for someone to change my life. I'm looking for a miracle in my life. And if you could see what it's done to me to lose the love I knew could safely lead me through. Between the silence of the mountains and the crashing of the sea there lies a land that I once lived in and she's waiting there for me. But in the gray of the morning my mind becomes confused between the dead and the sleeping and the road that I must choose." Justin Hayward & John Lodge from "The Moody Blues- A Question of Balance" "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." coyote [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 05-11-2001).] |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
"so long ago only the wind remembers and whispers of the loss" eternal, this good lines! Krawdad |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Kraw. For reading I appreciate it. Billy "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You have captured my love life in those last few lines. I connected so amazingly well with this poem it just sent shimmers up my spine....well done coyote, but what am I to expect? I enjoyed it, and sorry about being late! I was on a cruise...hope to see more!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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amyX Junior Member
since 2001-04-02
Posts 32 |
your choice of words shiver like the curious wind chilling the skin amyX Victims, aren't we all? |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Javier. Glad ya liked it, and good to see ya back. Hope the cruise was full of good experiences. They call them the "love boats" ya know. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, AmyX. Your thoughts are most appreciated. Billy "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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