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faults
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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faults |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"faults" she sleeps alone I cannot reach her inches away millenniums apart I am her silence she is my suicide we share no passion only prison walls life is a shoebox of memories love is an hourglass of spent grains porcelain beings shattered in the frigidity of blame "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." coyote [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 04-26-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 coyote - All Rights Reserved | |||
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
this was excellent I loved it ... adding it to my library |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Starrgazer. It's a bit of "retrospective self-indulgence".  "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I felt sad when I read this. As if some problems are happening within your life. This about your wife, or somebody close to you? Some fight breaking out? Well....I enjoyed the poem, but don't like hearing that your going through some times....oh well happens to the best of us, eh? Hope all is well!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks for your kind words, Javier. I'm O.K. with it though. This was merely an expression of feelings. In the time continuum, it will only be a nanosecond of self-indulgence. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey you... very dark indeed... I have to say I liked it. One thing - I feel that the four line stanzas are a little too regimented...maybe you could joint then together, or make uneven lined stanzas? What do you think?  K |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Kamla. Funny you should say that. One of my "faults" is "regimentality".lol But you're absolutely correct, the even edges aren't really applicable to the jagged words. It would be better with a torn edge. I'll do some rearranging and get back to you. Appreciated. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
YES! WOW! So much better!!!!! That reads differently now...flows more...and you're welcome btw K |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
hey Billy I loved this, although sad, I loved the style and the way it flowed. It all blended in beautifully. Maree |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thank You, Kamla and Maree. Your comments are greatly appreciated. And the sadness, Maree,(and Javier) is but a retrospective memory. Remnants of a storm that raged once, and perhaps may rage again? "Yet cannot endure a change of seasons, nor drown the truth ordained of love's resolve." "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
mmm mm another excellent peice,this one seems very surreal,like a salvador dali painting where time creeps audibly...very interesting...great work!!(again) sam much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Samantha. "Time creeps audibly". I like that fitting analogy. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
I agree with everyone else here, this is excellent. Well done! "Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, EagleOne. Your comments are appreciated. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
well done, Coyote ... nice breaks that allow the reader to absorb the thoughts ... well done. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Mark. Your thoughts are appreciated. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Ginners Member
since 2000-07-22
Posts 339Mullica Hill, New Jersey |
This was amazing, it made me want to cry. i know this feeling well.  "I'll build a wall if we can keep them on the other side"---NIN |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Gin. Your confirmation was most welcomed. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Blaec Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 130The Sunshine State |
Wonderful poem. It hits home with me. Thanks for the read. |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
I like this very much, I can feel that desolation its not as much what you have written but what you have not, this adds to the emotion, great write. Thank you Regards, Olias. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Blaec and Olias. Your reading and comments are much appreciated. I'm glad you could feel this too. "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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