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Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2001-04-23 03:53 AM

The end..
the storybook closes,
And the last closing lines,
Don't say
Happily ever after.
They say you're finished speaking,
Finished dialogue,
Finished me.
The end..
the storybook flutters to the floor,
Beside a limp outstretched arm.
The end.
Happily gone thereafter.

still d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d
I am bound by this, you see...to become Night's sole mistress, and I am jealous in my endeavours for his attention.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2001-04-23 07:03 AM

Jen..this is sad hon...can't possibly critique it...is that too biased? LOL...

I just want to give you a hug - not a critique...

(One little thing since you dare people to be honest...I think 'they say you're finished speaking' needs to be 'they say you have finished speaking' - makes more grammatical sense...)

Now I will just carry on being sad...

K

a-alibaster
Member

since 2000-01-08

Posts 392

2 posted 2001-04-23 08:06 AM

Hmmm, can't say anything but, I hope you are alright dear. **hugs tight**
Until...ali

"There is an alter ego which
dwells in every soul..."
a-alibaster

"I am as I am, nothing more, nothing less,
I am tears of pain, tears of Death.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

3 posted 2001-04-23 06:18 PM

this is only one end that you're seeing. . . pick up the book and take another look at it. . . perhaps it will make better sense then. . .

powerful writing. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

4 posted 2001-04-23 07:49 PM

Severn,
I don't think its biased, but if it is, then thats fine too. Thanks for reading,and everyone remember that while my words are honest, they are not always felt at the time I write them..so I'm okay.

Affy,
Thanks. I'm wonderful.

Sven,
Thanks.

Thankfully, there is more than one book and a never ending series.

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

5 posted 2001-04-24 10:13 AM

Yes I have known those feelings, I had to put the book aside for awhile, then picked it up again and together we rewrote it in a way that could have a happy ending..Best wishes to you..you deserve the best.

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