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Dark Poetry #3

slipped in satin

amyX
Junior Member

since 2001-04-02

Posts 32

0 posted 2001-04-15 11:21 AM

fitting within
ripped the promise
of buried tomorrow

suffering the day
awaken the feeling
of breath inside

slipped in satin

tripping from the day
covered in selfish
white poses

promising the day
shades of frustration
to glorify boxes

nailed from the inside

Victims, aren't we all?

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

1 posted 2001-04-15 03:02 PM

I really like this, Amy.

Especially the repeat references to:
suffering,
tripping,
promising,
the day.

Great work.
Thanks.

"I hate quotes, they suck!"
I.G. Norance

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

2 posted 2001-04-15 07:40 PM

Good work, Amy...interesting usage of tense in this...I think it needs a couple of reads to get a full appreciation of the tenses...

definitely good visuals

All obscurity starts with a danger:
Your dangers are many. I
Cannot look much but your form suffers
Some strange injury
Sylvia Plath

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