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Dark Poetry #3

killing me slowly

ShannonMarie
Member

since 2003-09-09

Posts 55
in a state of being

0 posted 2003-09-10 08:47 AM

Did you know
When you said those words to me
What kind of twist the knife would take
Did you know how badly I'd bleed
Dropping me to my knees
Was that the plan
Rip out my heart and soul
Leave me nothing more
Sliding down that wall
Tears flowing upon the floor
Screaming out your name
Wanting you to explain
A love you claim to have lost
Did you know you were my world
That there wasn't anymore
Fighting every word
As it flowed from your mouth
Wanting to die
Wishing this piercing in my heart
Were truly a knife
Let me die
It'd be so much easier
Then killing me slowly,
piece by piece
Trying to hold me
Me screaming "NO MORE, NO MORE"
Pulling out the knife
As to leave me with nothing of yours
Did you know
Asking me to forgive you
Is asking me to die

Maddy vanD
Member

since 2003-09-06

Posts 99
Newfoundland, Canada

1 posted 2003-09-10 08:58 AM

This is a powerful and heartfelt piece...really good writing!!
I especially like the view taken, how the offending party is all sweetness and worried that he/she be forgiven when their words are the end of the narrator's world. like I said powerful stuff!

Oh 1 wee thing, the line "Then killing me slowly,"...shouldn't that be "Than......"
bloody typos get us all.

Maddy
Poetry is not pretty....poetry is real

ShannonMarie
Member

since 2003-09-09

Posts 55
in a state of being

2 posted 2003-09-10 09:04 AM

it is so hard for me to catch typos in my work, because I am usually writing off the top of my head, before my heart forgets what to say...
so yep I do believe that you are right it should be than..

thanks

teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

3 posted 2003-09-11 03:35 PM

I liked this peice. And I know what you mean about typos. They can be so irritating.

Let go of your concept of reality and try mine for a while...then we'll see how long you last.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

4 posted 2003-09-12 02:07 AM

Oooh Shannon . . .
mannn bittersweet
nice writing
xxoo

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