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Dark Poetry #3

how it begins

ShannonMarie
Member

since 2003-09-09

Posts 55
in a state of being

0 posted 2003-09-09 02:10 PM

While I walked around in sin,
I looked inside, deep within,
I saw in his eyes,
the start of my demise,
and here is where my journey begins.

Joe his name I was told,
My husbands best friend to be so bold,
hand in hand as we dance,
in a blur.... in a trance,
so the story unfolds.

he spoke of love so kind,
a heart of gold I did find,
a kiss face to face,
I felt my heart race,
and voices screaming in my mind.

We made love that night,
the feeling ever so right,
for hours on it went,
until our love was spent,
sleeping in loves embrace so tight.

I know this love will be my end,
this secret love, my new best friend,
why can't I let this be,
the guilt it is killing me,
will my soul be set free??
no longer will I pretend.

teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

1 posted 2003-09-09 03:09 PM

That's sad. I'm sad I'm sorry. But it's a good poem ne'ertheless. wow wll...okay then.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2003-09-09 09:54 PM

I little too honest, added no wondering, eloborate on your feelings. and this could be good. You were tied to ryhme, which felt forced. I think you should relook this piece. Make some changes perhaps.Welcome to Pip.
~Lex

Rosebud1229
Senior Member

since 2000-04-05

Posts 1813
North Carolina

3 posted 2003-09-10 12:09 PM

I think this was a very good poem,
where do you begin? Writing always helps so welcome to a new beginning.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

4 posted 2003-09-11 05:50 PM

Shannon,
beautiful writing and yes, no pretend the guilt will eat you alive . . .
*hugs*
xxoo

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