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Dark Poetry #3
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Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA

0 posted 2003-08-03 06:29 PM


North
South
Intertwined
Polar ice cap
Freezing my mind
Up
Down
Sometimes
Somewhere in between
Not really sure
If this life i'm living
Is a really bad dream
that I just can't seem to wake up from
Don't think
I'll ever know the
Meaning of reality
When I always
Have to sleep with my nightlight on
North
South
Intertwined
Polar ice cap
Freezing my mind
Upside down
Blood rushing to my brain
Is there really such
a thing
As sanity
I can't seem to
find it in my dictionary
I think I ripped the page out
Tore it into shreds
Along with the defintion of me


If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (08-05-2003 09:42 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Kristen Brandon - All Rights Reserved
eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
1 posted 2003-08-03 08:37 PM


"If this life i'm living
Is a really bad dream
that I just can't seem wake up from
Don't think
I'll ever know the
Meaning of reality"

"Is there really such
a thing
As sanity
I can't seem to
find it in my dictionary
I think I ripped the page out
Tore it into sheds
Along with the defintion of me"


loved these two stanzas, very intense...reminds me of me most days...

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
2 posted 2003-08-04 05:03 PM


NICE, very nice. This had a wonderful flow. I loved the end, when you talk about the dictionary. Wonderful writing.
~Lex

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

3 posted 2003-08-04 11:53 PM


Though I liked your North/South Pole metaphor here, one which I have used myself recently, for a condition with which I am quite familiar, (i.e. bipolar disorder), I've found that tearing a page to "sheds" doesn't work nearly as well as tearing it to shreds might.
Just an editor's thought.

coyote  

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
4 posted 2003-08-06 11:36 PM


Kris, this is astounding . . .
and no disorder needed to feel this way
normal is boring anyhow
*wink*
xxoo

22NICK22
Member
since 2003-05-29
Posts 54

5 posted 2003-08-07 11:24 AM


very philosphical
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