Dark Poetry #3 |
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No More |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Cauldron fire witches blaze For a god in distant haze Stinky wind blow around Sacrifices from the ground Put together day and night Nothing follow full of spite Astral plane and soul protect Percision miss harm defect Dirty secret tempt and taunt Mistaken past forever haunt Knowledge locked inside herself Forest cabin loaded shelf Spooky shade in vivid dreams And secrets kept silence screams Before and long just a game Golden gates shut with shame Never will they call her name Trapped and lost herself to blame a trickle of music from a well |
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© Copyright 2003 Kenneth Craig Rogers - All Rights Reserved | |||
wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Nothing cruel here, just a thought. You're imagery is so good that I think you're handcuffing yourself with rhyme. Try some free verse. Concentrate on the image and thought, if rhyme happens? It's a bonus. Thanks for the read. Ed [This message has been edited by wranx (07-29-2003 10:08 PM).] |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Thanx for the reply and the advise Ed. GIS a trickle of music from a well |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i agree wiht wranx on this one, you have a great writing style, and you have a way with words, but i did feel that your rhyme scheme did kind of hold this one down some...but still good write... "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
I'm going to experiment a bit. I agree with both of you. Thanx again. |
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Annie Junior Member
since 2003-07-23
Posts 42Seattle, WA |
Dito! Hugs to you. "Well I know, these voices must be my soul." -Dave Matthews- [This message has been edited by Annie (08-01-2003 02:15 AM).] |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Thanx again. Annie a trickle of music from a well |
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