»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #3
»
Pain
| Dark Poetry #3 |
|
Pain |
|
|
ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
|
|||
| © Copyright 2001 ma miller - All Rights Reserved | ||||
|
Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
Another good one!! But amazingly this time i have one suggestion :! And i'm no pro so you prob'ly shouldn't listen to me,BUT, this line :"They run winded and free to caress fire and no burns to them i see" seems cumbersome and bulky to me. For some reason it kinda sticks out like a sore thumb in my head,it trips me up. It's a good line on it's own,but where it is in the poem doesn't seem right,maybe try re-wording it? But of course that's only MY opinion. I still enjoyed it,and marvel once again  sammi¤ much madness is divinest sense~Emily Dickinson |
|||
|
ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
Swamp¤Faeryie ... i will ponder your suggestion, as i take this very seriously and if you are, as you say, a novice, then my intent in this and any piece is to be clear and liquid ... i appreciate the critique and encourage it (throw darts) ... thanks again for reading and comments ... |
|||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
