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RedStoneEB
Senior Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 772
uk

0 posted 2003-06-12 06:48 AM

the flows of life
take me along
that path i walk
into the light
beyond the sun

soon death will call
and take my soul
to the otherworld
just waiting to go

my life is filled with darkness
shadowing over me
perventing me from love
as i walk in sorrow and despire

i question the gods
ask for a reason
why oh why!
do you hurt me so

the answer i still await
not knowing if it will come
or if my god exists
in the skys above

take me now oh might one!
take my pain from where it lays
and set me free to heavens gates

oh is it the devil that calls my name
the one that stops me from my love
and waits for me to join his group
of hate and sorrow roaming souls

Eddie
New Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 8

1 posted 2003-06-12 02:35 PM

I like it, good poem.
(brief and to the point)

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2003-06-12 02:45 PM

I like your meter, and the way that you alternated the length of your line from stanza to stanza. That gave a really neat effect of varying flow, which added a lot to the poem. In particular, your last stanza impressed me... you did quite a good job of writing this. I'm in love with your last line.

Hope to see you posting a lot more in Dark Poetry.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

3 posted 2003-06-13 03:34 AM

Hey Red - coming from LP above there
means a lot - i told you . . .

This is awesome
xxoo

RedStoneEB
Senior Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 772
uk

4 posted 2003-06-13 01:17 PM

Glad you enjoyed reading my thoughts

my mind is like a dream sometimes confusing

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

5 posted 2003-06-15 04:05 PM

nice write, i enjoyed the varying meter and rhyme, nice...

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

6 posted 2003-08-23 09:39 AM

Missed this one. enyoyed your journey of thoughts.

mycticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

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