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Dark Poetry #3
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Blood like water
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Blood like water |
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Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA 
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Thick blood, like water descended from my father my pulse boils my veins my conscience takes the blame Spilled from my sores it covers the floor washes my walls Profanity calls Fingers escape me reach out to my surroundings enfold the huddled form to keep it lukewarm My blood, my pain seeps out of me drains my crumpled carapace in pools around my feet Crashing on my face the waves will drown my screams I open my eyes to see my fate and sink beneath the sea "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
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| © Copyright 2003 Shay D. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Kisses Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 364Flat lands of Kansas |
well expressed!! It flows laong nicely... like that of a song. Of course not a love song ... lol....but still nicely written A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness. |
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Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
Thank you. I've been waiting so long for any replies that I'd begun to think it was horrible. |
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Paxia New Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 4Minnesota, U.S. |
I disagree completely. I don't think it's horrible at all. I love your style. Post some more. I want to read your stuff. |
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laurie Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 153canada, ontario |
l liked, erom. lm not sure why, maybe it was the rhythm or the wording, but l liked it. its good, and... somehow fits my day perfectly. wanna trade lives? sorry,just being an idiot. laurie. |
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xmutexelationx Junior Member
since 2003-05-16
Posts 15AmongstTheCharredFieldsOfSnow |
Whoa...  That was.... I really liked this... The last stanza is excellent. “Crashing on my face the waves will drown my screams I open my eyes to see my fate and sink beneath the sea” (reminds me of The Great Below by NIN, [a really good song]  )Anyhow, great job. Very grotesque (don’t take that in a bad way), and lifelike. Imagery is wonderful. ...Sara i used to be golden, a saint in a time of sorrow. but then the turning came, and i kiss the sun goodbye. dont you get it? it's always darker in my ey |
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