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Dark Poetry #3
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Time Shreds
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Time Shreds |
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Yitzy Junior Member
since 2003-05-12
Posts 30 |
Hello everyone. This is my first time posting on this site. I have recently taken a keen interest in writing poetry and have a very limited scope of fundamentals at my fingertips. I am learning a day at a time. This poem is in Cinquain form. For those who may not know the characteristics of a cinquain, it is a five line poem. with 2,4,6,8,2 syllables respectively. Time Shreds Blowing Herb through my lungs Mind swirls, colors swarm, time Shreds, feel hopeless as THC still Lingers |
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| © Copyright 2003 Yitzy - All Rights Reserved | |||
Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
Interesting write. I do not know if your write feels quite at home in Dark Poetry. :-) |
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teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
It is an intresting poem, although I don't necessarily get it. Welcome to Passions. I hope you like it here. I don't know if today is a good day, or if yesterday was, or if tomorrow will be, but I'd like to think so. |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
}{ey!!  I like this, I do understand it, only 'cause I've been there--Your 2nd last line actually has 9 syllables instead of 8, but who am I to talk I rarely follow the rules!!   ELMO "No man is EVER worth my tears, and the one who is, will never make me cry!" [This message has been edited by qtpieelmo (05-17-2003 07:23 PM).] |
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Yitzy Junior Member
since 2003-05-12
Posts 30 |
Thank you all for your input. I rennovated the poem, there are a lot of weak aspects in the content. So here is the new version. Time Shreds Smoke swirls, Teases my mind A waltzing friend. Waking To minor chords. Cut class, downcast Time shreds. |
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stupefied Junior Member
since 2003-04-26
Posts 12dead america |
welcome to passions. i'm not sure i quite understand what this is about though... "sticks and stones are hard on bones aimed with angry art...words can sting like anything but silence...SILENCE BREAKS THE HEART..." |
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Yitzy Junior Member
since 2003-05-12
Posts 30 |
The theme of the Cinquain is the temporary pleasures followed by the downsides to getting high off weed. "A waltzing friend refers to my mind." In the past people tended to go to waltzes and dance to take their mind away from troubles. In effect I am personifying my mind and thats what it is analogous to. Or you can say that I observe a friend who is in a daze like trance and waltzes around. Anyway you want to take it is good. The next day comes the crash. Float through the day unmotivated, don't care, Time shreds. Drugs are at the very least a waste of precious time. |
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