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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-10-02 03:41 PM

heart suffocating
in a weightless wall

old words are going
I'm glad for your loss

heart is beating fast enough
to upset placed bricks
just a glaze of water
to refresh the mortar

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (10-03-2002 01:31 PM).]

nolon
Junior Member

since 2002-09-25

Posts 20
Louisiana,Unitedstates

1 posted 2002-10-02 03:52 PM

I liked how this poem was short and yet strongly written.Line 1 and line 2 was cool.
Nice job.

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

2 posted 2002-10-03 01:38 AM

I hope this is the good sort of release.

your tongue's like poison
so swollen it fills up my mouth

rs

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

3 posted 2002-10-03 06:46 AM

This is bloody awesome Mike. Really pulled at me...my suggestion: have you thought about trying this without any punctuation at all? It's short enough that I think it warrants the line standing alone...

whaddya think??

K

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

4 posted 2002-10-03 01:24 PM

nolon, thank you.

Lori, don't worry, it was. *kiss*

K, idea noted -- and taken!

Thank you!

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

5 posted 2002-10-06 09:00 AM

Way hey!

That's cool!

Much much better...bwahahaha another convert to the world of punctuationless poetry (ooops, did I say that out loud?? Heh)...

K

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

6 posted 2002-10-06 02:09 PM

Now I know I forgot somethen...the mortar?? ah yes!!!

Love to hear the release Mikey boy...and? even lovlier to read your words...missed this.

~the absent t.

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-10-07 12:30 PM

K, it's all right. We're in Dark. Let the maniacal laughter flow forth from the broken spigot of blah blah blah. I tire myself.

Tanya -- SO great to see you back in these parts! Glad you enjoyed,
and
understood.

*hugs all around*
Mikey

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

8 posted 2002-10-07 03:45 PM

nicely glazed...

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

9 posted 2002-10-07 05:52 PM

short but sweet and strong...eor

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

10 posted 2002-10-08 11:55 AM

Thank you both. And Kacy? Now I want a doughnut!

Sikanda
Member

since 2002-10-08

Posts 54

11 posted 2002-10-09 02:08 PM

Short but good. Really good. You have quite a way with words bsquirrel.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

12 posted 2002-10-09 03:12 PM

Thank you, Sikanda.

I'm not sure how good my poems are
on an intellectual,
or even coherent,
level,
but they help me with my emotions ...

(you know,
those things
guys ain't
spose'ta
have

)

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