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brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

0 posted 2002-08-25 05:42 PM

skin stretches tightly

                too many cares

disconnect body

                in need of repairs

float on a whisper

                breezes that sing

tiny hand captures

                head on a string

bobbing beside you

                laugh at my round

be any color

                to hear that sound

when you're done walking

                aching to run

your hand will open

                reach for the sun

colorful hollow

                floating in blue

wish I was more

                solid for you

instead of a father

                you got a balloon

should have been more

                than amusing to you

no one to blame

                this cowardly skin

afraid to be stretched

                by the thoughts within

I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2002-08-26 02:04 AM

wow

loved it

I cant see past all the pain and torture that goes on in the places we call,
home.
~Azi

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2002-08-26 02:12 AM

bri?

this floats...

I've used this analogy often in my own--so pardon me while I beam at you?

The construction is perfect for this, you show what seems to be a natural instinct for this--sure sign of artistry btw...

you managed to keep a heavy subject, light--keeping with the theme and coloring the metaphor in perfection.

Now? maybe my tangled head can sleep...I hope it's like a balloon let go...

absolutely lovey perfection...mmmmm.

Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

3 posted 2002-08-26 05:11 AM

Wowzie wow wow. This was wonderful. I loved it. wonderful rhyming sceam and all (forgive my spelling mistakes). Hope to see more from you!!

~*Dragon Mistress*~

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

4 posted 2002-08-26 12:49 PM

That reminds me of "the wee footed balloonman" in that poem by e.e. cummings ... in Just spring I think it's called.

Only,k instead of clutching balloons, he's clutching the mutual disappointments of separation?

Wow, you're good! Great, even.

Floating away,

Mike

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

5 posted 2002-08-26 12:51 PM

Yes, I agree. This is great writing Brian. Enjoyed!

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

6 posted 2002-08-26 06:32 PM

Ah, jeez! Did I miss Bobble-Head day at PiP?

No kidding brian, I concur with all of the above.

You do grow with each post.

No pressure!

~Ed

In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".

~wranx~

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

7 posted 2002-08-26 07:11 PM

Yay Brian you did again

Love ballons and love this

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

8 posted 2002-08-26 11:36 PM

thank you, guys

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