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Dark Poetry #3
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Death's Mistress
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Death's Mistress |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia 
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Sorrow can be a lover who enfolds in barbed arms death a courtesan like no other who woos with soulful charms I know the love of loss with sorrow wrapped inside I yearn to fly, not count the cost of earthly pain to which I'm tied my heart is sore and weary as sorrow holds me near my face is wet, streaked and teary a tenuous thread keeps me here I made a vow to stay a promise kept by pride thus I cannot walk away or hurry to death's side sorrow my best companion I like his touch of love death whispers from the canyon offers peace, to lift above I'm flirting with the death force with every waking breath I believe in due course I'll become the mistress of death Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Lynne Dale - All Rights Reserved | |||
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
Excellent work again Kethry, take care! " I have seen without perceiving I have been another man Let me pierce the realm of glamour So I know just what I am"....Dweller on the Threshold, |
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Dark_kisses_Within Senior Member
since 2000-03-21
Posts 680Kansas |
Ohhhhh Kethry, the way you flow your words together is just simply beautiful. And yes I too know this feeling of sorrow and the love he gives. Beautiful piece, Mags |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was great. Very nicely done here!!!!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
Powerful piece, Kethry! I enjoyed it in its chilling way. Not meaning to be critical, let me suggest a very slightly different end that drives the darkness to another depth (simply remove "of"): I'm flirting with the death force with every waking breath I believe in due course I'll become the mistress death |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Krawdad, thanks I understand what you're trying to say and it does take it to a new chilling level, but it also loses the intended double entendre by taking out the the of. For example now it says Mistress of Death : one who loves death and can deal it out and Mistress of Death: one who is a lover to death and seeks him/her out. Do you see the difference and what I'm trying to say. Thanks for offering this, please feel free to make any suggestions, this time I wish to leave the of. Kethry Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
K, Yes, I see the 'double e'. It works. K |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Dark---Kentry---dark "I walked beside the evening sea and dreamed a dream that could not be." George William Curtis |
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Temptress*Moon Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 240Long Island, NY |
*Kethry*Excellent! temptress*moon I slept and dreamed that life was beauty was thy dream then a shadowy lie? -ESH- |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Great stuff here hon.. but I know you and believe you to be more like the Mistress of Hope, not darkness or death... Isis *War produces one thing - Cemetaries. And in cemetaries there are no enemies!* ~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit. |
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JohnDLeclare Junior Member
since 2000-07-26
Posts 43 |
I "enjoyed" reading this. It is uncomfortable for me to say that about some ones pain. Although we don't court death sometimes we don't turn away from it either. looking forward to reading more John |
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taramw Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738 |
This is great Kethry...  Enjoyed.~ Tara ~ may you live all the days of your life. -- jonathan swift |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Temptress, my first time in this particular room. I've been writing some darker stuff, but didn't think it was appropriate for the general room. Just remembered this forum. This piece is defintely dark, deeply so, and mysterious as well. Cor |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Thanks, it was written at a darker time in my life. Keth Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
Kethry ... this is a telling piece with good imagery ... an enjoyable read ... if you were intending for the piece to have rhythm, the meter is off a bit ... if you count the total syllables from line to line, you'll see what i mean ... nice poem ... |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
MA Miller, my meter is always off, it's usually an eight, eight, eight, seven metre but sometimes I add a nine. I don't know why. I think it's more my pieces are conversational in nature and speaking doesn't conform to set metre. Anyway that's my understanding of it. Thanks for pointing it out I'll read and count and see if I can improve it. Kethry Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Well written Kethry...James |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Thanks James, I appreciate you stopping by. Keth. Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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