Newbie, pleas critique(Tattoo Man)

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Keith Morgan
Member

since 2001-10-29

Posts 114
Md

0 posted 2001-10-29 12:27 PM

Tattoo Man

The pain of my soul runs deep
To a place where light dare not appear
I am trapped in despair, surrounded by demons
The scratches on the wall of my inner heart an attempt for freedom
But the hands of darkness drag me back down to the pits of sin
My lord why don’t you listen to my screams?
Every unanswered cry only adds to the doubt
Of your existence and love that I have heard but not seen
If seeing is believing then a fool I have been
For I fear my days are numbered
With nowhere to turn
And only darkness to hide
I have coped this far, a small cheer for my human spirit
I am running out of small victories
My hopes almost tapped out
The last links to sanity are my pleasures and pains
The pleasures are small and few
But relished like a lover
Ecstasy and lust forever a source of pleasure
Happiness and laughter always in the nick of time
Now here is the ironic part
The twist of my twisted life
My pain is my saving grace; I have come to realize
My weapon against the dark, is darkness itself
Because pain is reality and reality is my pain
In fact, when lacking pain, I search for it fervently
It is a part of me that I need to survive
My spirit absorbs this reality like a sponge soaking up water
And when my spirit can no longer absorb anymore
My physical body screams for its share
My spirit accommodates with visions of self-expression
A transferal of inner pain in the form of a tattoo
Every needle prick releases the darkness
As the red puddles become a print of life
This pain is different, much more satisfying then inner pain
Like an orgasm between lovers and the release of semen
Life is reproduced a portrait of you
The thrill is short lived but the results everlasting
My life mixed with reality and pain
Will form my black shield of hope
Walking fearlessly through the dark and evil
Because I know who I am fighting
The enemy is within
And I know why I am fighting
It is written all over my body
One question remains
When will I see the light?

Marcel

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2001-10-29 03:34 AM

Hope you see the light soon...looks like you've seen your share of darkness...James

alibaster
Member

since 2001-07-07

Posts 299
In my own private hell...(PA).

2 posted 2001-10-29 08:16 AM

Very well written and expressed...have 14 tatts myself and never could quit figure out why I enjoyed getting them so much...hmmm, maybe, just maybe you have found my reason.
Until...ali {alibaster}

"There is an alter ego which dwells within every soul." (C)alibaster 1999-2001

"Sleep those little slices of death, how I loathe them." Edgar Allan

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2001-10-29 02:08 PM

Welcome! I just like tattoos

they feel gooooood

(5 myself)

I liked this.

Please check your email for a special greeting!

qtpieelmo
Senior Member

since 2000-07-04

Posts 989
Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY

4 posted 2001-10-29 08:35 PM

Wow this is great, I love the images that popped in my head

--I read it twice--Welcome to DP, hope you find light in this darkened place!!

*¤~§µgårlðve~¤*
New Member

since 2001-10-30

Posts 5
Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-10-30 07:27 PM

hmmm..the only words i can use to describe what i thought of this poem: WOW!
im not sure why,and i dont think i could ever find a concrete reason..i can just say that my reaction to this poem was an incredible one..i couldn't even begin to express it in words.
i just want to say thanx..it was a marvellous experience

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-10-31 11:45 PM

i agree...WOW!!! this is downright awesome..!!! as for critiques on this, the only thing i could offer youis to sperate a few of the lines into seperate paragraphs to make the reading of each individual train of thought much easier ( it sounds great as it is, but its the only offering i can give you ) .

Welcome Keith!!

after reading this mindblowing first post, i cant help but to want to read more.i hope you enjoy reading and replying and posting more of your poems. enjoy it here and grow within this wonderful family of fellow poets

once again, i enjoyed the piece VERY much!

"......",said the wise mute.

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