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Dark Poetry #3
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The Thin Line... (title suggestions appreciated)
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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The Thin Line... (title suggestions appreciated) |
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Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 197Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A. 
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I must write for I cannot speak The blisters prevent me from closing my mouth My tongue is swollen and raw Enamel drips from my scorched teeth The pain is exquisite One more kiss? I'm not sure about the title. 'The Thin Line...' between pleasure and pain, and all that. Does it make sense? Suggestions welcome. Sing while you may -The Prophet Qa'sepel Your pain is for you alone, As it is, As it was, As it will be forever, Amen -The Prophet Qa'sepel |
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blackhalo Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467Denver, CO |
I think it makes perfect sense. Being the unversed poet i am, I would have called it "kisses from purgatory." but yours is exquisite. Great work! Alicia |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting..James |
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Ginners Member
since 2000-07-22
Posts 339Mullica Hill, New Jersey |
The title makes sense when you explain it but if you dont i dont tink it would, i like Alica's suggestions, i have none of my own however. This poem remind me of a song called kiss me though. i liked it "I'll build a wall if we can keep them on the other side"---NIN "There is no always forever, just this"-the cure |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I must say I have read the poem over and over I'm a little confused, but at the same time curious I would appreciate a little more explanation thanks I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 197Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A. |
Well, I can see that this one needs a little work. To offer explanation; I am trying to describe the heat of passion that can be conveyed in a kiss. What would intense heat do to the mouth? Would the pain be worth it? I think so. This was written in anticipation of a first kiss. While the heat was not nearly as intense as I describe, I look forward to further research. I'm glad that I have good dental insurance. Sing while you may -The Prophet Qa'sepel Your pain is for you alone, As it is, As it was, As it will be forever, Amen -The Prophet Qa'sepel |
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