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Teen Poetry #4
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My Parent's Mistake( An unfinished rhyme)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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My Parent's Mistake( An unfinished rhyme) |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
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OK, I haven't posted new material because I have been trying my hand at rap. It has been like most other rap, meaning it couldn't be posted here. I tried my hand at a non-vulgar one to get some feedback on the quality. I don't like how this one turned out at all. On July 9th, 1982 there was a mistake made in So Cal tell me where were you The mistake was 7 pounds, blond hair and brown eyes This helpless baby boy became such a surprise Parents demise, when they realized what they created Future delinquent, strung out and jaded Face it, the world ain't a great place to be Became a whole lot worse on the day they made me Everybody has anger but I'm filled to the top Piss me off once more and I might just pop And drop, the first person that I see So it's not too smart for you to stand right next to me Don't worry I'm not coming after you But when I go off the deep end, I won't know who's who So make your move, to the nearest exit I'm OK for now but I wouldn't test it Picked on at school from the very start Cause my parents were broke and my clothes were Wal Mart Cold heart to all those who had it easy Cause I always had it rough and they liked to tease me Believe me it can be tough, for a kid,trying to live, never had enough So I got me a job and I got me some money The attitudes changed, ain't that funny Went from being a loser to being cool Went from a kid no one liked to the big man at school Got my hair cut and bleached and hear "he is a hottie" You couldn't tell before, different hair, same body But not me, I'm not falling into this trap Cause I've been hated for too long,put up with too much crap I snap and decide to strike back So I filled the world with holes but I fell through the cracks. P.S. This still needs work "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
wow jon. I really liked thi aloot. Great work. Im pputting it in my libary. Regina |
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FallNTears Junior Member
since 2001-03-05
Posts 20 |
Just remember, you arent a mistake, and you cant justify any mistakes you parents made. If you werent here, think of all the things that would be different, most for the worst. I doubt that your parents consider you a mistake! *Me* *Having a nightmare is nothing compared to living one.* |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
cool cool.. first rap song i think ive read here, nice one too JR When my life dims to a perish, it will become a quote in itself... |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
No child or any person can ever be a mistake, and you my friend are hardly a mistake. Please think about it. But besides the point of it all, it came together very well and you should give yourself more credit!!!  Best wishes... ~*Jesilyn*~"Tell me why you cry" |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I don't consider myself that much of a mistake. I've made mistakes but I'm not one. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just thought it went with the rest of the song. Thanks. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought it was ok. I'm not a fan of rap, but I thought you did well on this one. Still......not my preference.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Yeah!! I could picture some dude standing there and rapping this, and all these picures floated around his head...my own lil music video hehe...Great content, great words. ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." - Leonardo da Vinci |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Yup, I could see it all in my mind, this is well expressed. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" "Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it." BothUnknown |
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~*brittt*~ Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 76East Haddam, CT |
You're definetly not a mistake. you've got some serious talent, and if you keep it up, youll definetly go somewhere with it! Great job and keep it up. this is going in my library! ~britt~ If you live to be 100 years old, I want to live to be 101 so I never have to live a day without you. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I remember this one!!!! I put it in my libary!!!!hahahahha Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Wow! You wrote this really really well and I liked it alot! You are not a mistake though, so please do not think that. I hope to see more work from you as awesome as this. You did great!! ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!!...i really enjoyed this...its nice to know that you write rap...cuz thats all i listen to but yea..thats great to see people posting write instead of them slow love related songs...thanks for the read jon...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You're Tupac in the making  I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!! |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Thanks acire, I wish! How does this one keep getting brought up, not that I mind much!  Jon PS-I had to put this smilie just because I got to type the word pontificate! It's just fun to say "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Ooo a rap!! Rap is good. Rap is very good. Like Acire said, you're Tupac in the making. It had the Tupac feel to it with the really meaningful words. Well done, Jon! ~AF~ Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved." |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
I like this! I really do. it's really negative though....maybe you could make a positive rap too? but then again, it's just an idea..  Stace I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
 ~Jon~ My oh my Jon! What kind of bull are you coming up with??? LOL You are not a mistake. No one is. This came to me as quite a suprise cause the way I know you, you sure dont seem like you would think this. But anyways if you were a mistake as you may believe then did I make a mistake when I became friends with you??? I think not!!! Keep up the good work but do it with some positve energy then negative. "If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." [This message has been edited by ERIN (edited 05-31-2001).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
oh wow..this is cool.. ....i could hear myself trying to rap along with it...hehehe..but i sucked at it..and if you were to hear me then i think youd hit me on the head with a lock of cheese...hm...im getting hit with dejavu....i liked this...even though you think it still needs work..i liked the way its progressing thus far ..i hope you dont feel like a mistake..but the words you said in the poem are true..very true sumtimes...thanks for the read..
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this is really pretty good and hey...I used to live VERY close to Clovis ~SEA |
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