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Teen Poetry #4
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Embedded Signal
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Embedded Signal |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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‘Embedded Signal’ Down below the white lacy snow Determines whether I’ll be tender For rain and snow, I’ll let you know It’s harsh render makes days slender On top mountains nor in the fountains You’ll find that certain implement sign It lurks unknowingly, stirring so flowingly Breathing a disguise to focus our eyes A lavender coat, like that of a throat ‘Tis it’s color hue over time is accrue Later in life, it’s stabs like a knife Coming to you, soaking you through Believe not fables, just turn the tables Admire the light side, it’s near your stride You know of ables, and loving stables So just abide, leave no efforts to hide Jeremy D Raulinaitis When my life dims to a perish, it will become a quote in itself... [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 03-05-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Hey, wow, this is great. Not sure what else to say so I wont say anything..  Bel "And you're my obsession I love you to the bones And Ana wrecks your life Like an anorexia life" - "Ana's Song", Silverchair |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Jer, this flowed sooo well and had such a good message..well at least the one I got from it..heh...Keep writing, kay? And don't forget to smile. ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." - Leonardo da Vinci |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Yeah, this was very neat. What an interesting and original format to employ. Mind if I steal this format from you to try myself?  It looks very challenging. I could use a challenge to get me to dust myself off and get back into writing decently like I used to.  It looks like it is very tough, but I saw a few lines in here that could have been better, had you taken more time with them. I'm sure you know which ones you slacked off on though. So I won't point it out. Don't let this critique get you down! I think this is a marvelous piece and, due to its nature and format, it is going to the library! ~Allan Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this was a great format jer!!! Very well done here, wowish!! I love the syle of it all.....I hope to see some more of this.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Jeremy: This was quite an impressive poem. Technically it was probably the best I've read of you yet. I loved the combination of internal and interlocking rhyme. Quite an impressive feat. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus |
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Raven Skye Member
since 2001-03-03
Posts 112.In a House. |
Format sormat...who cares!! This poem kicked major booty! Keep writing!! Keep writing!! *×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×* There's nothing I want more to take than the only thing that they won't let me take... my life. ~Bel |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
seems like everyone already has said all the praises...good job as usuall JD. keep em coming "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
hey hey thanks a lot everyone, im glad you liked it... i did just change one word... stables instead of cables, this format was really tough... oh well thanks again Jeremy "The *bump for jeremydraul's work, hahaha!!" |
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