Untitled. Any suggestions?

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Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

0 posted 2001-02-24 10:14 AM

I saw a little girl today.
Lips smiling wide from ear to ear.
My eyes shifted downward, from her plump little cheeks
To her protruding belly and rear.
“Look at the innocent joy in
Her eyes,” I thought.
Yet, I could not hold her gaze,
For I once had those eyes,
That belly, that rear, those cheeks.

Little did that chubby child
Know. Little did she know,
What life would do to those eyes.
That straight spine and those square
Shoulders would slump with the
Heavy burdens they carried.
Eyes would sink inward,
Pour tears at night after desperate
Prayers.

I mustered another glance at the
Little plump, baby of a child.
She was smiling, so was I.
Her chubby little leg was pointed
In one of Cupid's stockings as if To say, “Hello! How are you?”
My heart began to answer as
Her vision slipped away.

I turned to the next page in my photo album.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

[This message has been edited by Tears of Glass (edited 02-24-2001).]

QtPi239EK
New Member

since 2001-02-22

Posts 3
pa, usa

1 posted 2001-02-24 10:38 AM

heyy this was a great poem.. very realistic! u said does anyone have any suggestions for the title.. i was thinking maybe
"now and then", because of the symbolism between the little girl that used to be u, and who you are now. i really enjoyed reading this work though, it was extremely good.

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

2 posted 2001-02-24 10:43 AM

I have no idea for a title, I'm not good at it. But this is a wonderful piece, although a little depressing. That's ok though, emotion evoking work is all the better. Wonderful :-)

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

3 posted 2001-02-24 11:34 AM

Great poem. I liked it, it kind of reminded me of my childhood. A title....kind of hard to think of one on the spot. What about "That Was Me Then,This is Me Now"? I don't know, it was just a suggestion. I am not really good with titles either. Anyway, keep up the great work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front"
"Never say 'I Love You' unless you mean it"

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2001-02-24 12:27 PM

Beautifully written Jennifer! You've expressed so much of life within these sentiments ... I really enjoyed your thoughts in this piece!

Best wishes,
/Kit

PS ... I really like the suggestion of "Now and Then"

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-02-24 03:04 PM

Jennifer --- that was really amazing. Most beautiful thoughts and memories. Sorry to see you feel this way though. keep sharing my friend

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Starr
Member

since 2001-02-08

Posts 100

6 posted 2001-02-24 08:40 PM

This is truly beautiful poem. It was very well expressed, I like it a lot.It shows how life changes and everyone is left with distant memories... I have no suggestions for the title but I like the "Now and Then". Keep posting!!

Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-02-25 12:45 PM

Oh wow that poem was so damn sad. Wow......that was such an awesome poem. GREAT JOB!!!! This was a great display of the talent you have. Wonderful job on this one!!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Neokrew
Member

since 2000-12-24

Posts 60
VA

8 posted 2001-03-05 03:28 PM

Hey Babe,

Awww I wanna see that picture if your half as sexy then as now *cough* I want that picture j/k you can keep it I have my own *wiggels his bottem* good poem cya soon

--Neo

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

9 posted 2001-03-06 09:59 AM

wow
earlier i said that i read one of ur best ending but uh... this one takes the ribbon! VERY WELL DONE... wowow
'The Photo Album'
'Girl of Yesterday'
'Flipping Through Years'

JR

When my life dims to a perish, it will become a quote in itself...

Jenabou
Member

since 2000-06-13

Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA

10 posted 2001-03-07 08:20 AM

this was a wicked poem!
i really liked it

my title suggestion would be 'Chubby Cheeks'

The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles, too
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

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