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Teen Poetry #4
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our dead end lives
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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our dead end lives |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723
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our dead end lives... in and out of consciousness wary of death door closing short breath your fingers embrace mine comfort and hope life's divine troubles forgotten no thought of dying this aura of peace drowns the crying with my last breath i say 'good-bye' wipe your tear ...at last i die ~and dead sucks~ blah, jason 'Maybe it's stupid Maybe it's nothing Maybe this something... just wont go away .. I'm not a liar I'm not a sinner I'm just trying... not to get thrown away FullDevilJacket [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 02-21-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 IsGona - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
IsGonna: I liked this one. It's quite similar to the way I sometimes feel about life's being mundane. I know this sounds soooo cliche[or at least in a world filled with "New Age Self Help Mania" it is becoming so], but life is what one makes of it. As far as critiques, your spelling in this piece could use a little work. For example, aura is not spelled "ora". |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this......I thought it was ok. Not even as close to the stuff I have read from you, but it wasn't PURE CRAP.....it wasn't even a bit of CRAP. So no worries there. Nicely done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Wow, this one is like a perfect counterpart to one I wrote. OMG, I'm gonna send this to the same girl I wrote the other about. Thank you, this is wondeful for me! "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Fractal ~ noted. Change made. I actually meant to look that up, because I knew I was spelling it wrong, but then... ahhhh... I forgot. Anyhow thanks for the reply Dopey ~ Thank you for the reply. This IS border-line crap but I think most my poems are so what the hell do I know. But lately I have no creative energy and this is what you get when you write just to write and hope for the best... haha, but yeah. thanks again Jason [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 02-21-2001).] |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
EverBlood ~ you snuck in there. Thank you. glad you liked it and it fits into your current situation. ~Jason |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
"and dead sucks" i really enjoyed that line. it was very good. Regina for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Jason.... borderline crap? Uh, I don't think so. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not borderline crap. Maybe not one of your best, but if you're writing just to write, and hoping for the best, I think it's pretty good. I think it's pretty good anyway, whether you're writing just to write or not.  Rhonda "I am Canadian" - Joe "When I find the right guy for me, I'll love him no matter what he does or what he's like" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is actually good very short but descriptive lines hope you start feelign better thanks for sharing So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Nice piece Jason. A good display of emotions that were easy to identify with. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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sweetypie5 Member
since 2000-10-06
Posts 97MWC,OK,USA |
Wowzerz...that was good!!! Keep up the good work and keep writing!!! ~LOVE~ *~*S*T*E*P*H*A*N*I*E*~* *~*We ignore the one's who adore us and adore the one's who ignore us*~* *~*What's better? A truth that draws a tear? Or a lie that draws a smile?*~* |
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