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Teen Poetry #4
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The Wise Man
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Wise Man |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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Note: No Im not the wise man... hehe  ‘The Wise Man’ “That meal is done --------------- Move onto this one.” --------------- ------------- “Eat a new piece of pie ------------- Or drink a glass of g’bye.” “Call me in a week -------------- And I will critique.” -------------- ------------- “Cause previous girl hurt ------------- And spoiled your dessert.” “Dream of the new now -------------- And make a clean vow.” -------------- -------------- “Just take my lovely pill -------------- And use all your will.” “Soon new girl will run ------------- And both'll become one.” ------------- -------------- “Just wait and see -------------- And you’ll believe me.” “This,” the wise man told “Will soon feed the food of love Eat this food slow and bold; Breeding a unity thereof.” Jeremy D Raulinaitis 2/20/01 When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 02-21-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
hhmmm... I'm going to have to think about that. Thanks... you made me think!!! *sigh* some people. Was cool, though.  Rhonda "I am Canadian" - Joe "When I find the right guy for me, I'll love him no matter what he does or what he's like" |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
bump... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
very interesting JD even the style is different I'm gonna have to get back at you on this one very interesting  So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Oh hey........I didn't quite like this one as much as the 1000th post. You've spoiled me, I guess. I thought you could've done better.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
JDR ~ hey man... it's been a while. I think the poem was really good. but all of your poems are. This one, I thaught, was pretty staight forward but the other replies make me think maybe I'm missing something. My fav line is: "'Soon new girl will run ------------- And both'll become one.' -------------" and the last verse was good too. However the format... was diferent but I don't know if it is right for this poem, but that's merely an opinion. all and all good job as usual ~Jason |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Jeremy: I'm glad to see you trying interesting forms. This is something I've never seen before, lol. This is a neat form, it seems to convey a mentality or something. I liked the poem. The ending was quite interesting. Like Skyfyre said, I too will have to ruminate on this. Quite deep. |
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