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Teen Poetry #4
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Compassion and Support
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Compassion and Support |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA 
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I wrote this for my dearest friend, who gets a lot more crap in life than almost anyone deserves. I love her, plain and simple. I read the tale of love derailed the wind took control of the sail I embrace your pain and feel the same I look not down on thee with disdain My strength is yours for your heart's wars I'll take you away to comforting shores Bright as the sun our strength does run and now our hearts will bleed as one You will be okay while love is astray on every such day: our hearts bleed as one And anytime you don't feel fine our hearts will allign and bleed as one... "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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| © Copyright 2001 Bryan W. Holmes - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"And anytime you don't feel fine our hearts will allign and bleed as one" This is a beautiful piece about your true love for this person. Well-written, my friend. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is quite nicely done. The emotions are magnificent. The format is good, but the syllables were a bit uneven in some places. This hurt the flow a bit. Just a suggestion. Great poem, nonetheless. -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
oh... What a phenomenal poem you have writen. Simply amazing how you explained this. I love it extrememly. (going into my library) The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow.Sow a habit and you reap a character.Sow a character and you reap a destiny |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Ohh wow it was soo beautifully written!! I'm so glad I read it =) I wish I had a friend to write me something like that, I feel her pain most definately, it's kewl that you can express your feelings like that, you are greatly gifted =) Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the repetition of "bleed as one" I thought that was a very good line. All together it was an ok poem, not yer best up till now but the line really improved my personal opinion about it. Nicely done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
This is truly a lovely poem... it has the feelings that people have a hard time expressing.... I love it! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
"our heart's will bleed as one" amazing I guess this is for one of the Maine girls in here I pretty much have an idea who  thanks for sharing So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Actually this poem was written specifically for a girl named Jenn from Canada :-) but good guess! haha. But to anyone, if this poem brings you happiness, or support, or anything positive in helping you deal with something, then I have found true joy in life. "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Could you kick any more ARSE? Wow... this is SO DANG GOOD! *L*  |
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