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Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

0 posted 2001-02-16 03:18 PM

Lost shelters
smashed into pieces
to remove them
of their oily skin,
saturated with shame
Action delayed
despite their
own coersion into
your blankets of blue
Such sweet nirvana
we find in stars,
never to find in the mirror
What have we been taught
but to be like the teacher
So schools are empty
from misunderstanding
and unstable egos
with big mouths
Just like our shelters
Just like our souls

Shattered into pieces

and in the end
we still pretend
the time we spend
not knowing when
we're finally free
and you could be
-NIN "The Wretched"

Angel of Darkness

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 02-16-2001).]

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

1 posted 2001-02-16 04:16 PM

Impressive work! I love the huge use of extended metaphor[the shelters] and its blending with up front descriptions, like those of the schools.

Great work here! *Adds to library*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-02-16 10:43 PM

This is lovely. A great read.
I'll second what Fractal said about the metaphors. You pulled it off very nicely.
-Allan

When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-02-17 02:57 AM

i'm not shocked at all
you've always been a really good writer
the way you express yourself is amazing
thanks for the read

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

4 posted 2001-02-17 10:13 AM

dark dark stuff... got to love this kind of writing, just keep penning this out, their incredible...thanks for the read

Jeremy

Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-02-18 11:28 AM

VERY nice read here, completely dark too. You ok? Well anyway, this was really good.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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